I Have a Tiny Little Secret

After a lot of thought I decided to try for #2. I had another IUI with a different donor on October 30th and it worked! I'm now 19dpiui and my beta was 976, just above the median for 19dpo. I'm relieved that the number is good but I'm also feeling a bit nervous because this is very much real.

Tooth #12 ... Finally!

Henry's 12th tooth finally cut through today.  Yay!  This kid has been biting everything in sight me and his legs included, but thankfully not the cat, for months now.  I was sure he was cutting another molar since he enjoys chewing his entire hand after sticking it as far back in his mouth as possible without gagging.  Nope, just the last front bottom tooth.  He'd looked a bit lopsided for months ... a cute lopsided, though.

I don't expect any relief for him, though, as he's drooling like crazy today and still biting the furniture ...  Where are those molars?

Off on another work trip tomorrow.  Henry will be staying with my parents the week between trips and I'm looking forward to some time to myself.  Not that I'll get to relax.  Nope.  I've got too many things around the house that need to get done.  I'm not feeling the least bit guilty about him staying with my parents for a week.  I see many fellow moms with kids his age get so upset over having to spend a work day away from their kids.  Am I just strange?  I know he is comfortable with my parents and he is never phased by my leaving to go anywhere without him.  Plus he'll spend lots of time with his cousins which he enjoys.  I think the biggest difference is that as an SMC with no family nearby I can't just send him to his grandparents' house when I need to get something done.  Aside from day care where I go he goes.  And as much as I love him I do need some time by myself.  I'm really looking forward to getting to sleep as long as I want.  I certainly don't get the benefit of a partner taking care of Henry on one weekend morning every week like some couples I know.  I'd love to have that option!  Just one day a week.  And this from me sitting here in my pajamas at nearly 11:30 am because I'm still waiting for Henry to go down for a nap so I can shower ... Oh what a glamorous life I lead.  LOL!

Totally horrible blogger! 18-month update

Yes, I'm dropping in after weeks of agonizing whether I should own up to my shame of not posting in a very long time ... many months.  October, I think?  Sheesh.

Anyway, I went back to work in January and Henry went off to day care.  We both adjusted well.  Henry has adjusted well to my travel schedule and is a fantastic traveler.  He does very well on the flights even though he is now in the "I must scale and crawl on any upright object" phase.  The 2-hour time zone change we have during summer months isn't the best but Henry adjusts fine.  He loves getting to see grandma, grandpa (H calls him papa and made that up on his own) and his cousins regularly. And they love spending time with him too.

Henry is tall (85.4 cm) and heavy (13.5 kg) for an 18-month old so I'm convinced he's going to be a big kid and eat me out of house and home when he's a teenager.  That or he'll have to get a job to pay for the groceries.  He's been quite healthy since his last cold in January and no more bouts of wheezing, thankfully.  My fingers are crossed that he'll outgrow that issue.

He's finally started speaking and repeating things I say to him including 'moo' which he finally said tonight after a long time trying to get him to do it.  For the longest time he would only say about five words and no animal sounds and at his 15-month appointment the nurse practitioner told me they could intervene by 2.  Now he offers a variety of words spontaneously in varying levels of quality depending on the day.  Some days he's clear and others I just get a first consonant out of him.  He loves to answer various versions of 'good' when I ask him how he is.

He's a very physically active kid which will be a good thing down the road.  But he also loves music and books.  He's now started taking a book to bed with him and I don't care since it seems to keep him calm and busy until he finally falls asleep.  Tonight he started repeating 'moo' when I put him in his crib and was still going at it when I walked out of his room.  I heard this thunderous noise not that long after and went in to check afraid he was banging his book on the wall.  No need to worry about the neighbour going nuts from the noise.  Nope.  He was just banging his feet on the end of the crib to check out the sound.  Another thing he loves to do these days especially if it is something that can cause damage.  Oh yes, he's a little go.dzilla, this one.  lol

I'm busy with work, traveling, keeping the yard in order (I did a ton of landscaping in the front this spring) and generally just keeping up with things.  My house is always in a state of mess but I do my best to at least keep the main floor organized lest anyone think I'm a hoarder.  lol  Nah, more like someone who doesn't get the floor vacuumed nearly often enough.  I've gotten into genealogical research and am trying to get back into travel writing as well so that will also be taking up free time. I've also got to figure out how to fit some sort of exercise in there somewhere too.  I weigh less than when I got pregnant but my shape is a little different and I'm in need of some muscle toning.  A little cardio wouldn't hurt either.  I'd love to go for walks in the evening (and that was the plan before the ridiculously hot weather moved in) but that will have to wait until cooler weather appears.

I'm hoping I can do a better job of posting even if it will be a bit sporadic.  Because of my travel schedule I am unable to set a time such as Sunday mornings to post an update because we're often getting ready to catch a flight on Sundays ... well, at least every 2nd week until the end of September.  Until then here's a couple of new photos of the little guy from the day he turned 18 months.

He loves to play in my bathroom in the morning. (July 10, 2013)

I love climbing on the couch!  (July 10, 2013)

And now a second tooth!

Henry's second tooth popped through on Monday morning.  What a miserable month for him.  Two colds and two teeth.  Poor thing. 

His cold is progressing and seems stuck in his chest.  We saw the nurse practitioner after I called to make his 9 month well baby appointment.  I asked to make a second appointment because he had been wheezing the night before.  Not badly but I could definitely hear it.  He wasn't having any trouble breathing but having asthma myself I know how horrible it feels when I wheeze.  Even just a small amount makes it feel like I can't breathe at all.  They asked us to come in 30 minutes later resulting in a mad dash to get there.  lol

The good news is that he doesn't have an ear infection even though there is some fluid on the left, the ear he has been tugging at.  And he isn't running a fever.  I checked.  But the nurse practitioner did hear the wheeze.  So, we have an inhaler and mask to use.  Henry did really well the first night I used the inhaler probably because I made it out like a toy.  But he's been fighting it since.  It really should come with a strap that I could place around his head.  But it probably doesn't because some idiot didn't use it properly and injured their child ... lawsuit.  *sigh*  Anyway, he is still coughing and has that slight wheeze but he has otherwise done really well.  Except for the night waking ... including his lovely 1-3:30 am on Saturday night.  I'm crossing my fingers that this will come to an end soon, once the teething and cold have passed.

We've been out for daily walks this week which has been nice.  I can't lie in saying part of the motivation is losing some weight.  Well, not really weight as I've been at my pre-pregnancy weight for some time now.  Somehow my hips seem to have spread, permanently.  In fact I had wished for that if I had to have some sort of permanent body change.  This really wouldn't be a bad thing for me since I'm built very straight and a little extra width in the hips would help to make my waist, such as it it is, look a bit smaller.  But along with my hips my waist also seems to have spread in direct proportion to my snazzy new hips.  How much better can it get?  lol  I was in a size 12 Ga.p jean and size 14 B.R pant before getting pregnant and wore them long into pregnancy.  Now I'm lucky to be able to close my size 14 jeans.  I had to dig through my pile to find the curvy ones since the long and lean don't close.  I refuse to pay any money to buy a bigger size.  And I refuse to try on my work pants as I'm in denial about them fitting.  So walking it is.  I may not be particularly fast (thanks plantar fasciitis during pregnancy turned damaged foot needing orthotics post-partum) but I figure it is better than nothing.  And besides, Henry loves going for walks.  So that can't be a bad thing.  ;-)

First tooth and second cold

Finally, on Wedensday Henry cut his first tooth.  Over two weeks of unpredictable vomiting and poor sleep finally came to an end this week.  I felt for a tooth first thing that morning but there wasn't one.  By early afternoon my mom felt the unmistakeable sharp little tooth on the right.  The other one isn't far behind.

Unfortunately, our reprieve has been short lived.  Henry was a beast last night waking multiple times, crying.  Thankfully he was able to fall asleep again right away but neither of us slept a lot.  And this morning when I went in to get him from his crib he had snot running down his face and a large streak of dried snot in his hair.  *sigh*  Two colds in three weeks.  This is insane.  I'm just crossing my fingers that I don't get sick with this one as well as my parents are out on the east coast for a week for my cousin's wedding.  Just to be safe I did run to the pharmacy to get some cold medication for me just in case ... and it was on sale this week.

I suspect that he's picked up both colds from music class.  We're in the third of three classes that day and the instructor says she disinfects the musical instruments every day.  But being that we're in the last class of the day that doesn't matter.  A sick kid in either of the two earlier classes can pass along their cold anyway.  There was a kid in our class on Tuesday who was sick with a cold ... snot down his face when they came in.  But I'm sure it wasn't him who passed it on to Henry as they didn't get close enough.

I'm almost livid at this point.  I make an effort to stay home when I'm sick and that's even with a job that requires me to travel.  If I'm in town I use my sick time.  If I'm traveling I have to go but I do everything I can to disinfect myself before touching things so I don't make others sick.  I even put my tissues into a separate container on the plane so that the flight attendants don't have to touch them, or I just take them with me when disembarking and toss them in the trash.  I hate being sick and I really hate having to take time off when sick.  I hate it.  I do not understand people who leave the house when sick or take their sick kids places other than medical appointments or the pharmacy.  I ran to the pharmacy today to get cold medication in case I get sick but I also kept Henry in his stroller and away from things he wanted to touch.  Why can't other people do this?  Is it because we've become so accustomed to popping meds to deal with illnesses?  Is it because we've seen so few serious and even deadly illnesses in our age that we don't think about simple but effective infection control mechanisms?  I just don't understand the absolute selfishness of others.  And because of this we're missing the second of our first three swimming classes.  Henry loves swimming.  I feel so bad for him. 

House of sickness

We're a house of sickness this week.  After the vomiting episodes (and cat poop incidents) Henry got sick, for real.  Thursday morning he woke up with congestion and as much as I kept hoping it wasn't a cold I just knew it was.  I did my best to keep from getting sick but started feeling it on Friday morning and it just got worse.  And based on my symptoms we don't have a cold, we have some type of influenza.  Just peachy.

Thankfully Henry has been doing really well.  He is mostly full of energy and played a lot through his illness.  Friday he was very clingy and whiny but that was to be expected.  He slept 12 hours Thursday and Friday night.  Which was good because I didn't sleep a wink Friday night even after taking some nighttime cold medication.  Zombie time!  I've been alternating between fever and chills and now that my nose is finally starting to stop running I'm hoping that things will turn around.  Unfortunately, Henry didn't have such a good night last night.  At 12:30 he woke up crying and nothing would console him or help him get back to sleep.  So, I finally decided after multiple tries to take him back to my room and put him on my chest.  That used to be the only way to get him to fall asleep some nights.  He finally settled down but I can't keep a 25 pound child on my chest all night and sleep.  So I had put him between the pillows (with a changing pad under him so he didn't drool all over my bed) and he was none too pleased.  He complained on and off all night finally waking around 5:45.  I fed him a bottle and gave him some Tyl.enol and he eventually fell back asleep.  My fingers are crossed that we'll both have a better night tonight.

Hopefully we'll both be feeling better by Tuesday so that we can go to music class.  We had to miss our first swimming class on Friday.

In better news Henry is now consistently pulling himself up to standing on furniture.  He could do it with the ottoman because it is a bit lower and more sturdy than the sofa.  The sofa cushions are a little soft and that made it more difficult for him to get up as well.  And on Friday he started motoring along the sofa all on his own.  He can't stop himself from falling and banging his head if he loses his balance so we've had a few accidents as of late.

My parents are arriving Wednesday and I'm very much looking forward to having a little help around the house for a while especially as we're not going to be 100% yet.

Epic failure

In an effort to broaden Henry's diet and as recommended by the information given to me by my nurse practitioner I pureed some broccoli and offered it to Henry yesterday afternoon.  I didn't give him much.  I got the super sour face, though.  But he held it down with no trouble and ate the rest of his solids without any issue.  He was burpy the rest of the afternoon but I didn't think much of it.  He was fussy for his last bottle of the night which hasn't been a surprise as I think his teeth are finally making a move.  I put him to bed and he started crying.  I went in his room a few minutes later to help him get to sleep and picked him up to hold him and then it happened .....

......... projectile vomit.  All over the mattress.  Then again 4 more times just outside the bedroom door on my way to rushing him into the bathroom.  We didn't make it.  Poor thing was covered in vomit but thankfully he had a sleeper on.  It wasn't too difficult to clean him up and he seemed happier that his stomach was empty.  But what a mess.  I threw the sheet and sleeper in the wash machine right away and tried to sop up as much vomit as I could but I know I'm going to have to use a carpet cleaner to get the stains out.  Thankfully the mattress cover has a waterproof backing on it otherwise the foam would have gotten soaked.  Have I mentioned this is the second time in a week I've had to wash the mattress cover?  Anyway, I had just moved the playpen out of my room to the living room the day before.  Well, I had to truck that thing up the stairs at 11 pm last night so Henry had somewhere to sleep other than the floor.

I don't often complain about being a single mom but last night was one of those nights that I really wished I'd had some help around the house.  I had to get the recycling, garbage and organics out to the curb last night.  I have no idea what time I finished that task. And then I had to clean up cat poop.  Oh yes.  It appears my cat has colitis.  We've been having litter issues ... when he is having issues he doesn't poop in the litter box.  No, he decides the best place is right outside the litter box between two of the boxes.  *sigh*  The last thing I wanted to be doing last night (other than cleaning vomit) was cleaning cat poop off the concrete floor in my storage room.  I absolutely lost it last night.

Henry didn't end up falling asleep until about midnight.  I did feed him another bottle since his stomach was completely empty by then and he needed something to get him through the night.  And in an effort to keep him occupied and not screaming his head off for a period of time I actually turned on Tre.ehouse and thankfully he loved it.  Yes, I pacified my 8 month old child with kid's programming but until you have to do everything I did last night don't knock it.

I had to be up early this morning.  Well, at least that was the plan.  I wanted to get up before Henry did so I could get in my shower but Henry had other ideas.  My alarm woke him up and he whimpered for a while before actually waking.  I fed him and he fell back asleep.  I showered and when I got out of the shower I could hear him playing in his playpen.  Thankfully Henry was in a good mood, if tired, for his first music class today.  It went well and Henry loved the guitar!  He also liked one of the other little boys in the class.

We had a good day and ran some errands in the afternoon.  Henry got his second feeding of solids and I was looking forward to a quiet evening knowing Henry was tired.  I gave him his supper time bottle and what happened?  Projectile vomit ... again.  Thankfully we were seated on my leather sofa.  Yay for leather!  Actually none of it got on the sofa, rug or floor.  No.  Instead of that Henry and I were just doused in vomit.  Oh yeah.  I managed to make it upstairs without it dripping off my pants and promptly put Henry in the tub ... no water.  I had no idea where to put him that was safe and where he couldn't crawl and cause a mess.  The tub did the trick.  I cleaned up, changed then got him undressed and gave him a bath.  I gave him some play time to start and he seemed to enjoy it.  He loves baths in the big tub now.  He was pretty crabby tonight and likely overtired and hungry.  But he went to sleep easily which allowed me to unpack my groceries from earlier in the day.  And then I stuck the newly vomited clothing into the wash machine.

And then I cleaned more cat poop ... from the floor ... again.

That didn't go so well

Today I tried giving H a little hummus.  He made a bit of a sour concerned face at first but opened his mouth for more.  I didn't give him more than a quarter tablespoon full and everything seemed okay.  Until he brought all of it and everything else he'd already eaten for lunch up with it.  Oh my. 

He's done this twice before, with pureed corn and mashed cauliflower.  I'm not sure what the issue is.  Corn I get since it doesn't always agree with me.  Maybe he inherited corn issues.  I get that cauliflower and hummus are stronger tasting.  But that doesn't account for the corn also causing problems. 

Oh well, those will just be off the menu for a while.  If the nurse asks if we've tried this or that (as recommended in our eating schedule for H's age) I'll tell her that he just vomits.  I can't force him to eat something that disagrees with him. 

Back to the fruit.

We have a stander

Welcome back readers!  We've been home from our visit back home for a couple weeks.  I've been busy catching up on things like stocking up on groceries, appointments, yardwork, etc. so I haven't been able to update the blog.

But this is what happened tonight.

First time standing up all on my own.

He managed to get from a sitting position up to his feet all on his own tonight.  (Sorry it is from behind.  I couldn't get my camera without him falling and he couldn't turn around without falling down.)  And he still doesn't crawl.  Instead of crawling he prefers to do this:

My downward facing dog.

Or planking.  Yep, he's into baby planking on the floor.  lol  I didn't have any clue he could pull or push himself up on his own until last Tuesday when during our Tuesday 'birthday' photo sessions he did this:

Look at me mommy!

Yeah, how he figured this one out I don't know.  When we got back from out west 2 1/2 weeks ago he wasn't trying to pull himself up on the couch yet.  Okay, I lied.  He tried a couple times back home but his butt stayed firmly planted on the floor.  In the span of less than two weeks he's gone from only sitting on the floor to being able to get up to standing all on his own.

He's moving at lightning speed now. 

6 month well baby visit

Our 6 month well baby visit went well today.  Henry's been growing like a weed and I knew he was long and heavy but not quite how long and heavy.  Henry weighed in at 20 pounds 9 oz (9.33 kg) and is 28 inches (70 cm) long.  Wow!  After all our early struggles with feeding and gaining weight he's really turned around is and growing well.  I'm so relieved. 

He's meeting his milestones and is eating baby food well and actually seems to enjoy it.  He's now started on baby mu.m mu.ms and after 3 days he's figured out he can munch on them.  The first few looks of disgust were priceless, though.  lol 

I'm just a bit challenged with clothing.  With his growth and cloth diapers we're going to have to move up to 12 month stuff soon.  And I can't really predict how big he's going to be next summer so I feel like I can't take advantage of seasonal clearance sales to pick up stuff for next summer.  Pants are the real problem as the diaper takes up half of it.  No, literally it does.  His butt is like a massive sausage.  Or, I guess a firm roast would be a more appropriate description.  And his feet?  Oh my.  He's already in 12-24 month socks.  The pair of shoes I got from my sister aren't going to last him long.  I'm not sure what size they are.  I'll have to ask.  I refuse to buy him shoes for now as these ones work.  I can't afford to pre-buy shoes he'll be grown out of by winter.  So different from my nephew who was short and wide at this age. 

In other news, Henry seems to like Coo.kie Mon.ster.  I finally got to see the blue creature's spoof video and Henry was on my lap at the time.  Henry was quite fascinated and after a couple appearances by Coo.kie he started saying "hoo-hoo" every time he came on the screen.  It was hilarious and I couldn't stop laughing.  In case you haven't seen it here is the link for Sha.re It Ma.ybe.  Watch for the instruments in the band ... hilarious!

It's official ...

... I'm a horrible blogger.  lol

Okay, okay I've been busy with little H but also with life.  We went home for a 3 week visit at the end of April and it was great.  Then as soon as we got back I hit the ground running with yardwork and landscaping.  I had no idea this would be the driest year on record for our area (oh so smart to reseed the lawn this year!) so I'm not sure how things are going to turn out.  But at least I tried.  My yard was a mess thanks to the water ban we had in place in our area last year (broken water main supplying 90% of our water had to be replaced ... took months).  You can imagine the crappy state of my yard.  *sigh* 

Anyway, H is doing great.  He turned 6 months today!  (and also 26 weeks)  He's grown well over the past couple of months and decided last week to start crawling.  Oh my!  Until I get a chance to post again here is a new picture of the little guy.

I turned 6 months old today!

One year ago ...

One year ago today I underwent my 4th IUI.  My temp rose that morning so I thought I was completely out.  I was bummed thinking that I'd missed the window and was out $700+ for sperm and nursing fee.  I refused to temp post-O or test until 15 dpiui that cycle and it was much less stressful particularly as I thought it hadn't worked. 

It wasn't until I didn't spot 1-2 days before my expected period that I thought something might be up.  I'd experienced no symptoms out of the norm, especially for someone on progesterone.  I couldn't sleep the night before I tested at home.  I woke up at about 3:30 and told myself I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom and had to try to get back to sleep (hard for me to do if I feel I need to go) because I needed to store the pee for the test.  So when I woke up early all on my own I got up and tested.  And I got a beautiful second line before the control line came up.  I knew when I got the call from the clinic's nurse that my test was positive and the numbers only confirmed that.

And one year later here is my little guy at his 3 month photo shoot:

Henry at 3 months and 2 days

And I apologize for being a crappy blogger.  I've gone from ttc'ing blogger, to pregnancy blogger to almost non-existent mommy blogger.  I'm still trying to get used to being a mom and doing everything on my own.  I have zero help from family so I have little time to post here right now.  Hopefully, once I get into a better routine I will have more time to pop in and post.

Awesome blog

This is one of the funniest blog I have seen in a long time:  http://crappypictures.com/

Especially this posting about changing a toddler's diaper:  http://crappypictures.com/2012/03/toddler-diaper-changesillustrated-with-crappy-pictures.html

The photos totally make this blog!  ;-)

In other news Henry hit 10 weeks on Tuesday.  Here is one of the pics from that day.

I'm 10 weeks old

Thank you

Thanks to my commenters.  I'm still feeling very conflicted over stopping breastfeeding.  Well, it isn't really the stopping part that I'm conflicted about.  Intellectually I know it was the right decision because he wasn't gaining weight. 

I feel more like I'm second guessing myself and all the things I did while breastfeeding and pumping. And it still didn't work out.  I keep thinking that if I'd pumped more or pumped more often whether things would have been different.  At my first appointment with the l/c when Henry was 5 days ago we did a pre-feed and post-feed weigh and he got 4 oz from me.  Why then did my supply not increase or keep up?  I don't get it. 

Intellectually I think, in part, it had to do with PCOS.  I don't know anyone else who took as much domperi.done, fenu.greek and bless.ed this.tle as I did that had supply issues.  And I think Henry played his part as well in being a lazy feeder, tired all the time, falling asleep during feedings regularly even when desperately hungry, jaundiced, and having latch issues (which resolved) and suck issues.  He just never sucked hard enough long enough to get an appropriate amount of nutrition from me. 

Ugh!  I'm just having a moment today and I really hate it.  I think I need to file this under 'hormones' for other reasons.

9 weeks

And we're done breastfeeding.  Long story short?  Too many things went wrong in our case including a low supply due to PCOS and a baby who, despite figuring out how to latch, just never developed a good suck and is incredibly tired all the time.  Too tired to breastfeed, in fact.  I was in tears towards the end.  I saw the end coming about 3-4 weeks ago and really wished that things would turn around.  I consulted a second lactation consultant when mine went on bereavement leave.  (I liked the second one better.)  We used an SNS (supplemental nursing system) and it was quickly obvious that Henry just doesn't have a good suck.  He was still working way too hard to get fed.  He spent twice the time he should have just to get the necessary nutrition his little body needs.  So, after a few days of that and an awful lot of tears I decided that we're done.  I'm not completely finished with pumping, though.  I think I'll wean him off breast milk completely by the end of April when we head out west for a visit.

I am really upset this didn't work.  I am super disappointed.  And to describe our experience would be to say that it was just short of traumatic.  Honestly, it was.  The best part of my days, the part I most looked forward to, was when I was sleeping at night.  And if that doesn't tell you something about our experience I don't know what would. 

As soon as I made the decision to stop on Sunday my mood improved.  On Monday I actually looked forward to feeding this little guy first thing in the morning.  And for me bottle feeding leaves me so much more time to get things done.  I know that isn't typical compared to breastfeeding but, again, our experience was so crappy the fact that bottle feeding leaves me lots more time just goes to show how bad this was for us. 

I don't know if I'll get another shot at this.  I have 7 more vials of sperm with my name on them ... or should I say credit card ... so I will be going ahead to try for #2.  Otherwise I waste a ton of money.  But given I'll be approaching 40 at that point and don't want to do IVF I don't know if I'll get to have another.  And if I go the adoption route for #2 I'll be skipping the newborn stage so no breastfeeding there either.  I would love to get another shot and hope that my hormones are better at that point and that I get a baby who doesn't have Henry's feeding issues.  I can only hope.  I just wish it had worked with him.  I will always carry the regret and the knowledge that stopping wasn't my choice.  It was either continue and see him not gain weight and not be healthy or do what was best for him.  Easy choice.

Two weeks ago his weight was up to 10 lbs 5 ounces.  Today he was up to 11 pounds 7 ounces.  So, he's gaining at the high end of what is expected on a weekly basis. But he's still in the 15th percentile as of today.  Still a skinny baby at the low end.  I know some babies have to be there and he doesn't look unhealthy.  He appears to be bright and alert when he's not sleeping.  And he's very interactive.  He loves to check out his surroundings and smiles and talks a lot.  He hasn't yet figured out how to stick out his tongue to mimic me yet but you can tell his brain is working hard to figure it out when you try it.  He's also starting to develop some rolls on his legs and his cheeks are getting plump again.  I know stopping breastfeeding was the right choice but I wish I hadn't had to make it. 

In addition to all this we're getting a referral to a pediatrician to see if there is anything going on with his fatigue issues.  That is a whole other post in itself.  So far no one has detected a heart issue but that is my fear.  Until that appointment it is steady as she goes.  I'll continue to pump and wean myself off the meds and herbs so I don't have to worry about engorgement and other issues when I'm away for 3 weeks.  That would not be fun. 

And if you've made it this far here is your reward:

Good thing mommy captured this photo for my 9 week birthday because ...

... this is what I usually look like as I try to figure out what she is trying to do with the camera!

Frustration

No lactation consultant appointment today as she had to cancel.  Not necessarily a bad thing since the roads were horrible thanks to blowing snow + salt covered roads = messy dangerous conditions.  But I was curious to see if Henry gained any weight between our midwife appointment Monday and today.  And I wanted to tell the lactation consultant that I HAVE to supplement.  Why?

At our discharge appointment with the midwife on Monday Henry got weighed.  We were able to compare his weight to where he was a week and a half before.  In that time he put on only 3 ounces.  Three measly ounces.  I had cut back on supplementing thinking that he'd work harder for his supper and hopefully build up my supply a little.  I guess not.  I was supplementing only at the last feeding before going to bed and on the odd day I added in another supplement.  This is clearly not enough.  I have no idea how much he is getting from me at a feeding but it is obviously not enough.  My nurse practitioner agreed this is nowhere near enough weight to be gaining.

So, Operation Fatten has begun.  I'm going to offer him supplementation after every feeding and see how much he'll take.  I suspect this little guy has been hungry a lot lately.  :-(  Hopefully, he'll adjust really well and it won't take long for him to get into a regular pattern with the new feeding schedule.  He was a bit wired Tuesday when I added the bottle feedings.  He slept in the morning (yay!) but he was wired at night (not so good).  Hopefully this is just an adjustment thing.

We start our well baby visits with the nurse practitioner and she is happy to have him come in regularly to be weighed.  I'm going to offer him the breast first at every feeding and then a bottle.  And hopefully he'll start putting on some weight. 

In other news, Henry hit 7 weeks on Tuesday so here is an updated photo:

Just hanging out in my future toy basket

Nearly wordless Wednesday

Henry hit the 6 week mark yesterday.  Here are some pictures.

After my bath

Putting on a new outfit

Taking a break to stick out my tongue

Having a snooze on mommy's lap

9

As in 9 pounds, that is. 

Henry has his last weight check in with the lactation consultant on Thursday.  He finally hit 9 pounds gaining 5 ounces in a week.  The l/c wants to see a gain between 4 and 8 ounces a week.  He falls at the lower end but he did gain appropriately, even with me cutting back on supplementation.  At his check in with the midwife later that day he weighed 9 lbs 2 oz on their scale but I know theirs is different than the l/c's scale.  I stick with the l/c's numbers since he's been more consistently weighed on hers.  And he's growing lengthwise as well.  He checked in at 23.75 inches or 60 cm.  He's starting to outgrow a number of things lengthwise even if there is a lot of room around.  He's still skinny.  I checked and Henry is in the 90-95th percentile for length and about the 25th for weight. 

He also seems to be starting his 6 week growth spurt.  He's been super hungry and while I know the l/c wanted me to call her if I had to supplement him I don't know how I can breastfeed him, have him get super fussy (squirm, kick, pop on and off, etc) and not be satisfied ... leading me to have to supplement him.  I had to supplement 3 times yesterday: 2 oz, 5 oz (!) and then 2 oz again at night before going to bed.  He was already supplemented once today around noon because he was hungry.  I gave him 3 ounces not long after breastfeeding and pumping (lovely!) because he was clearly still hungry.  And after than he cried for more.  So he took about a 1/2 ounce more.  He's currently sleeping, which he doesn't usually do during the day.  (On a side note, I think one of the clues he isn't getting enough from me at any time is that he doesn't sleep much.  Nowhere near the 10-12 hours he's supposed to be getting.  I'm lucky if he sleeps about 5-6 hours at night.  But not much during the day.) 

The three nights after my last post were a disaster as far as night sleeping was concerned.  He was waking up at weird hours and feeding poorly.  And I ended up with 3 or fewer hours of sleep/night those nights so I decided to do what was working before:  Start his last breastfeeding session when he is ready anywhere from 10:30 to 12:30 at night and then supplement him.  This works far better because I am able to get at least 4.5 hours of sleep.  Never more than 6 but 4.5 is better than 3 so I'll take it. When I supplement him (usually no more than 2 ounces) he wakes up ready to eat and is far more efficient at it.  He doesn't take 2 hours to eat!  So, as long as that is working I'm going to keep doing it.

I'm already on 4 pills of fenugreek 4 times/day, 5 pills of blessed thistle 4 times/day and 40 mg of domperidone 3 times/day and I can tell Henry just doesn't get enough from me.  He is rarely satiated and rarely sleeps after feedings ... unless he is supplemented.  I find it really hard to sit through a 2 hour feeding session only to barely get time to go to the bathroom and eat, if I'm lucky, only to have to start it all again at most an hour later.  I also struggle to get pumping in as well with that schedule. 

The point of this is that I'm going to have to supplement Henry.  Period.  I have no choice.  I broke down in tears last night whenever he goes through growth spurts because I don't like having to do this.  But my body just doesn't want to do this the way I thought it would.  Damned PCOS!  I'm already past what my m/w can prescribe for domperidone (30 mg 3 times/day) and other than checking out my thyroid I think I've reached my supplementation limit. 

I just have to keep reminding myself that it is more important that Henry eat and grow than where it comes from.  I just hate that I can't give him everything he needs.

Happy Valentine's Day

I get to spend Valentine's Day with the new man in my life ... Henry.  ;-)

 

 

5 weeks old today!

Today started out really well.  Henry slept from just after 1 am to about 6:30 and followed that up with a good feeding.  He was off to a good 3 hour schedule and gave me time to shower when he fell asleep this morning.  It didn't matter much that he had diaper accidents again today ... he's growing out of newborn diapers and isn't quite wide enough for the next size up hence the accidents. 

And then some time in the afternoon he decided that today would be a cluster feeding day!  He's been on the breast most of the day since I ate lunch.  He falls asleep from time to time then wakes up and munches away.  And if he wakes up unlatched or I take him off in his sleep and he wakes up he just cries.  I'm not quite sure how things are going to go tonight.  Hopefully we can both get some sleep but if not we don't have to go anywhere tomorrow. 

I managed to get a rare shot of Henry with his leg fully extended in his sleeper, this one gently used by my nephew and so cute I've been trying to get a good photo of him in it:

I say rare because usually Henry does this:

I like to pretend I have no legs!

He does a good 'mermaid' look and he even has a Flipper version too.  lol  I think it is cute and it has turned out to be very practical.  We're getting extended use out of his smallest sleepers.  If he kept his feet where they should be he'd have already outgrown his first 2 sizes of sleepers already.

The Queen of Poo

First, the good news.  Henry finally figured out how to breastfeed with us both lying in bed.  Yay!  That is progress.  After a late night I had no energy to feed him sitting up so I tried this yet again.  He fussed and was frustrated for quite a while but he eventually figured it out.  He did fall asleep after about half an hour which was great. 

When I finally woke up from my in and out of sleep - as I usually do when he's in bed with me - I started getting things ready for when he woke up ... cleaning my pumping supplies and nipple shield, popping my oatmeal in the microwave, feeding the cat, etc.  Henry woke up and gave me a couple big smiles ;-) but then proceeded to give me his poop face.  You know what that is, I'm sure.  I didn't want to change him in the middle of a pooping episode so I kept on working on my stuff.  I came back later and discovered he'd had a blow out.  Again.  The good news is that it was a good colour and consistency, also a bit of an issue with him so I'm happy when he has good poop.

While dealing with this spectacular mess (down his leg and up his back) I wondered whether I should have done things differently I realized my options were:

1. Change him in the middle of his pooping episode and risk him spraying his poop everywhere during a particularly gassy episode.
2. Do what I did and let him poop it out and risk a major blow out. 
3. Grab him before he started actively pooping to skip the blow out but possibly risk scenario #1 and waste another diaper.

I went with #2 and decided after the fact that it was probably the best option.  Yes, his clothes need a soaking before washing but at least he didn't poop all over my bed.

Between this little guy and my cat I am the Queen of Poo.  ;-)