One year ago ...

One year ago today I underwent my 4th IUI.  My temp rose that morning so I thought I was completely out.  I was bummed thinking that I'd missed the window and was out $700+ for sperm and nursing fee.  I refused to temp post-O or test until 15 dpiui that cycle and it was much less stressful particularly as I thought it hadn't worked. 

It wasn't until I didn't spot 1-2 days before my expected period that I thought something might be up.  I'd experienced no symptoms out of the norm, especially for someone on progesterone.  I couldn't sleep the night before I tested at home.  I woke up at about 3:30 and told myself I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom and had to try to get back to sleep (hard for me to do if I feel I need to go) because I needed to store the pee for the test.  So when I woke up early all on my own I got up and tested.  And I got a beautiful second line before the control line came up.  I knew when I got the call from the clinic's nurse that my test was positive and the numbers only confirmed that.

And one year later here is my little guy at his 3 month photo shoot:

Henry at 3 months and 2 days

And I apologize for being a crappy blogger.  I've gone from ttc'ing blogger, to pregnancy blogger to almost non-existent mommy blogger.  I'm still trying to get used to being a mom and doing everything on my own.  I have zero help from family so I have little time to post here right now.  Hopefully, once I get into a better routine I will have more time to pop in and post.

The plan moving forward

I met with my RE today.  We now have a plan for future cycles.  I'll be starting 50mg of Clo.mid on CD3 and will take it until CD7.  I will go into the clinic for blood work and ultrasounds starting on CD 10.  And I will use a trigger shot, Ovi.drel to be exact, to trigger ovulation.  My clinic likes to see 2-4 good follicles per cycle but they will do an IUI with just one. 

Dr. V said that it really isn't unreasonable to do more unmedicated IUIs as it just takes time to get pregnant.  Well, lucky me I didn't fall into the get pregnant in x months like everyone else in my buddy group did.  Oh yes, and the one woman from that buddy group who just did IVF this month apparently has her BFP.  *sigh* Sure, it can take up to 12-18 months to get pregnant but why am I the outlier?  That makes no sense.

Anyway, my Dr. has no problem in moving to Clo.mid.  The chance of pregnancy for me at 37 and already ovulating when adding Clo.mid and a trigger shot is 25% per cycle.  Same for using injectibles.  My chance of multiples with Clo.mid is 10%.  With my good ovarian reserve and age my chances with IVF right now would be 40-45%.  Those are great numbers but I'm not willing to push my body that far, yet.  Talk to me next year if I'm still in this place.

This post makes it seem like I'm unhappy, but I'm not.  I'm feeling more optimistic now that I have this plan in place and because it ups my odds, even if it is only 5 percentage points per cycle.  I'm eager to get on with cycle #5 even though I'm only 9dpIUI today.  Oh, and I want to shoot myself in the belly.  Now THAT will be exciting.  ;-)

I've Been Spermed v. 4.0

IUI #4 is done.  It went really quickly.  I had the same nurse as last time.  She remembered to use the longer speculum without a reminder.  But she did have to dash out of the room for tissues after she sucked up the sperm into the catheter.  I got to hold the goods while she ran out.  Hard to believe there are millions of tiny little sperm swimming around in such a small amount of liquid and THAT could get a woman pregnant. The sperm # was up a little bit and the motility was up to 50% from 40% the past 3 times.  So, that was good.

The actual IUI was quick and easy.  My cervix was very cooperative but was tipped down a little this time.  The catheter went in easily and I felt it a little bit once it was in.  But nurse H said that there was no immediate spotting (I did spot quite a bit later, though) and reassured me that even if there was that it wouldn't affect my chances of getting pregnant.  We had to settle the issue of the progesterone Rx again as my RE didn't put that in her orders.  No problemo!  Nurse H wrote out the prescription based on the fact that I've used Endom.etrin before and left it for the Dr. to sign.  I got to hang out on my back on the table for over 15 minutes this time while I waited for the Dr. to check in.

Dr. Happy, the one who did my SIS, was on this weekend and I was wondering what was taking so long this time. When he came in he was in full medical garb complete with mask so I'm guessing he was busy with an egg retrieval or a transfer this morning.  He was happy to sign the prescription for me and said that they think there is no harm in taking the progesterone during the 2ww.  I told him I'd had a little extra cramping this time but that by the 15 minute mark it had gone away.  He noted it in my chart but said that wouldn't affect my chances of getting pregnant so I didn't need to worry about it.  The good thing is that I'm feeling less crampy overall than the past 3 IUIs.

After I was done I did a little shopping.  I desperately needed groceries.  With the cost of sperm eating into my spending I literally had $100 to my name until pay day on Wednesday.  Okay, it wasn't that bad because I've got OT sitting in a savings account but I'm saving that money for sperm and household things like my vacuum cleaner.  I can't just spend it on groceries.  I really needed to get fruit and veggies today.  And I've pulled some chicken out of the freezer to make for lunches this week.  I also stopped at a Pad.erno warehouse sale that started earlier this week.  I needed a new frying pan.  The little one I have is old and I really wanted to replace it because it is too small and it has the old kind of non-stick surface.  The new one is much larger and the non-stick surface isn't toxic.

Once that was done, I got home and grabbed some lunch.  Then I snuggled up on the couch to watch TV while my kitty kept my lap warm during a long snooze.  I fell asleep but woke up in time to watch a replay of The Vam.pire Diar.ies.  OMG!  This week's episode was awesome!

The not so hot thing about this weekend?  This:

I used to think that too [that she, the writer, was infertile]..my sister took three years to get pregnant..and went through two invitros that didn’t work...and I was sure that I would have the same trouble...NOPE!! Fertile Mrytle me!!! Got pregnant with B only off the pill ONE MONTH!! And with A.....even less....so glad I wasn’t a slut in high school...could have been really bad!! LOL

I'm part of a group of friends who spend a lot of time communicating online because we live in 3 different countries, most of whom are spread out across the US.  When I checked in this week and told them what was going on and how horrible I've been feeling about this whole process and feeling like this one just isn't going to work I got a lot of support from my friends, including 2 who went through IVF.  The quote above is the response I got from one of the women.  What on earth possessed her to think that this would be (a) appropriate to tell someone with fertility issues who just expressed how hopeless she felt, and (b) comforting to me in any way, shape or form?  I was so angry I just ignored it.  It is NOT my responsibility to educate others about their stupidity.  Really!

IUI #4 Tomorrow

Well, I hit surge today but I'm not particularly pleased with my numbers:

• E2 = 1029
• LH = 44.83

My LH is lower than last month when I hit surge.  And last cycle I ovulated the day AFTER my IUI.  I'm thinking this one is going to be a bust simply from bad timing.  Oh well, since I'm not thinking this would work anyway what's another thing stacked against me?  

IUI #4 at 9:30 tomorrow. 

Another Cycle Down the Toilet

Literally.

I had some cramping for a couple of hours before lunch.  I was hoping it was intestinal as it was really wide-spread and quite painful.  No such luck.  I went to the bathroom to discover some spotting, dark pink.  One of the benefits of progesterone supplements is that you have to wear liners so at least my underwear didn't get ruined.  I ran to the bank after popping some cramps meds and when I came back headed back to the bathroom before a meeting just to see how bad it was.  It had turned bright red.  I really didn't want to deal with this so I put a tampon in and changed the liner.  Why be reminded of it every time I go to the bathroom?

I now have to cancel a really easy 1-night business trip in the middle of April all so I can do another IUI.  *sigh*  Now I'm waiting for it to turn into full flow so I can call the nurses tomorrow and tell them I'm on yet another CD1.

I haven't heard back from my Dr.'s secretary so I called and left her a message to let her know what happened.  I doubt I'm going to get in to see her before I run out of time to start taking Cl.omid so I think we're just going to have to go ahead with another unmedicated IUI in April and look at Clomid for May.  I've got 2 more vials from my original donor left. My back up choice's new vials still haven't been released for sale presuming there aren't 100 people ahead of me in line waiting for them.  I still don't like any of the other donors available and I really don't want to pay more money for another 3 months of access to their profiles. 

I am beginning to feel like these cycles are a waste of time, not to mention money.  I don't know how it is statistically possible for every single one of the eggs I ovulated to have been crappy.  Is it my donor?  It can't be progesterone anymore since that has stopped the pre-AF spotting issue.  How did my sister end up with the family's fertility and I don't have any?  Why didn't I fall into the 'increased post-miscarriage fertility' group?  My mom did and I'm proof of pregnancy the cycle after a miscarriage.  I just don't get it.

So, my sister gets to continue buying cute little things for her soon to arrive son watching her belly grow by the day, preparing and getting excited about that and moving into their brand spankin' newly renovated home the month he is to be born.  Me?  I get to be excited because I can sleep in this weekend.  That's just pathetic.

2dpIUI and Finally a Temp Rise!

Yes, finally got my temp rise this morning.  I was really worried something was wrong so I armed myself with 2, yes 2, thermometers.  They are the same model but my 1st one reads lower than the 2nd so I dumped it in favour of thermometer #2.  I cleaned up both and pulled out the old one for an oral temp today.  That one came in at a whopping 97.8 this am, which is WAY higher than any cover line I've ever had.  Good stuff!  I temped vaginally with the 2nd one, as I have been doing this cycle, and got a 1/2 degree temp jump, up from 97.7 to 98.2.  I've only had this big a temp jump once since I started charting and it was in my craaaazy December cycle which I choose to ignore. 

With the temp rise this morning I was confident in starting my progesterone supplements.  I got the lovely effervescent Endometrin horse pills with applicator again.  I got the Rx phoned in to my pharmacy instead of getting them at the clinic because my insurance plan covers most of the cost right up front.  I hate paying and submitting receipts.  I think I bumped my cervix with the applicator this morning, though, because there was a bit of pink spotting on the applicator when I pulled it out.  It must be irritated from the IUI, still.

I did errands this morning.  The line of credit is now in place.  I'll never use all of it, ever!  But it is ready for a big sperm purchase should that be necessary.  We initially requested the credit for home renovations.  But today we checked off the box saying it was just to have extra credit handy when necessary.  I had a momentary desire to write "to purchase donor sperm" in the space for 'other' but I thought the bankers in TO might think I was nuts.

I popped over to the old health food store which was 1/2 a block from my old condo when I lived downtown.  For some reason my new neighbourhood doesn't have one and we've got 100,000 people living here and in 5-7 years it will be 200,000.  Serious gap in the market.  But I digress.  I finally got to see the expanded store.  It took over the other side of the building it is in and the space that used to be a bar.  Picked up my favourite organic oatmeal there.  I've tried other stuff since moving and it just doesn't work as well for my insulin control as this stuff, even the slow cooking organic stuff.  I bought 4 bags of it. ;-) And I picked up some local honey.  I've been reading how locally produced honey can help you if you're having allergy issues.  Hopefully this will work because my allergies have been driving me nuts lately.

Then I stopped off at a great French bakery on the way back to the car.  I was thinking of picking up one thing but walked out with a dozen really good, fresh hot cross buns instead.  Really tasty.  I think I might run down there on a work day and pick up some more for the freezer.  I then popped in to the mall, which I haven't been to in about a year.  I stopped in at the G.ap to use a 20% off survey coupon.  Everything in the store was 30% off today.  Great deal, if you could actually find something tolerable and that fit.  I was expecting to find things like khakis and walking shorts like they've had in past seasons.  Nope.  Honestly, their stuff just keeps getting crappier and crappier every year.  Even the kids side was horrible.  I was trying to find something to use the coupon on and there was nothing!  I have a new niece and a new nephew to buy something for and I couldn't even find a decent sleeper or body stocking for them.  Ridiculous.  I ended up picking up a couple okay casual shirts that were already on sale and got the extra 30% off.  They'll be good for running errands during our super humid summers. 

I notice that the G.ap now doesn't just have shirts with massive arm holes but they make them even bigger and put a piece of fabric in there to try and cover that up with really bad results.  Why can't they just make something that fits?  I know I've got super skinny arms and a huge chest but really, should you be able to see half my bra under my arms?  What happened to the use of the dart in women's clothing?  That point was brought home when I went to Ban.ana Rep.ublic.  I have a bunch of work stuff from there.  Their pants are very reliable for me and I've purchase one or two pairs a year that now carry me through the cooler months.  But even those were horrible today. I know for a fact that I haven't gained 20 pounds in the past few months otherwise nothing I own would fit.  Why is the size 14 at BR, which always fits, so tiny now?  They were squishing my non-existent butt and I could barely get them closed!  Not to mention any of the shirts or dresses.  They are cut for a cardboard figure.  Really!  Like many women, I have a chest.  Maybe mine is larger than others but what is with fashion focused on cardboard cutouts?  I put this stuff on and I can barely get it over my chest and when I do it squishes it so hard it flattens it and that's saying a lot since I'm a 36H.  Not to mention the weird arm hole thing, oddly placed straps, super tiny hip areas (and I have super tiny hips for my height and size), and crappy fabric.  I picked up 3 knit things because, at least with that, it fits over my chest, I don't have to worry about gaping arm holes, or things not fitting my tiny hips.  I got two thinner long sleeved v-neck sweaters and a cardigan in fresh spring colours all 30% off.  I'm so upset.  I love BR stuff and would LOVE to have more of it in my closet, specifically new tops for work.  But every time I go back the stuff just gets worse and worse.

The only purchase I was happy about today, other than the delicious hot cross buns, was my new runners.  When I lived downtown I walked everywhere.  It was great because exercise was part of my day.  Since moving out to the burbs I've definitely cut back and I need to get back into it.  I got a new pair of Ree.boks with some weird new technology that is supposed to help shape your calves and butt.  They may help my calves which are great but I doubt they'll help my non-existent northern German butt.  They'll take a bit of getting used to since they feel very different from a regular runner with flat soles.  And of course the pair that fits my narrow thin feet best is a new style that wasn't on sale.  Oh well, they'll be good for my feet and I have no 'shoe' excuse to use not to go walking.  Now, to wait just one more week for the snow to finish melting and the weather to improve just a little more and I can get out there.

IUI #3 Done and in the Record Books

Sorry I didn't post last night.  I was exhausted after getting up at 5:30 am a number of days in a row.  Then add a super stressful couple of hours after I got to work because someone else screwed up and it made my life a nightmare for a while.  OMG!  I didn't need that.  But I did post on my charting site and here is what I wrote, edited to add a little more info here:

The sh*t hit the fan at work after I got in but the good news is that I got out of my hearing tomorrow (today). There was a screw up on the location of our end of the video conference and I told my supervisor I couldn't handle the stress right now so they are getting someone else to do it. I know that hour of super stress doesn't affect this whatsoever but I can't help but think it does.

I got to meet my favourite nurse, Nurse H, finally! She doesn't look how I imagined her. lol Because it was a regular business day the clinic was busy and we started in a little room and went over all the paperwork before going into the exam room. I'm used to an early weekend appointment where I get whisked into the treatment room right away and we quickly double check that the vial is the right one and the paperwork corresponds.  This time Nurse H went through everything including my allergies and I got to see the sheet they write down all my blood work results on. 

Everything went well. I took extra strength Ty.lenol an hour before. The speculum hurt a little but my cervix popped right out into her line of sight really easily. Lots of clear CM again this month which is good.  Nurse H even commented on it. But I had some spotting this time. Nothing horrible but it must have been from a slightly irritated cervix on the outside.  Nurse H said that the catheter didn't cause any bleeding but that it came from the cervix itself. I felt the catheter go in this time but my bladder was full so it wasn't because I'd just gone to the bathroom. I can update you and tell you that I didn't spot much at all.  I was a bit crampy for the rest of the day but it was tolerable.  Totally different experience from IUI #1, thankfully.  Because I was already spotting before getting off the table I opted to use the pad they clinic provided.  And it reminded me of why I hate using them.  I don't care how thin and absorbent they've gotten over the years, they still irritate my skin and cause chaffing.
 
Nurse H checked on my endometrin Rx because my Dr. forgot to check something off on the form. So she had to ask Dr. C, the head of the clinic and the on call doc yesterday. He didn't want to give it to me because I'm not on a medicated cycle!  But he agreed to sign off because I'd been on it last month and because my Dr. agreed to it. My nurse said he was sometimes a little funny (not the haha funny kind, obviously) and reminded me that he doesn't know anything about my history. I told the nurse that I have a history of spotting way too early in the luteal phase, as early as 6 days before AF is due and that is why she ordered it.

I also get the strong feeling that the nurses don't know my full file either since the nurse told me hopefully this will be the last they see of me for a couple years. I know I look like I'm barely in my 30s but really?  ROFL!  I doubt my body is going to cooperate enough to give me a baby before I'm 38 and coming back for a 2nd would put me at 40 at least.  Not that I don't want a 2nd one but I doubt my body will get with the plan.  She also said something about being young and healthy. ROFL again! I'm 37, I have PCOS and I'm hypothyroid. What is young and healthy about that? OMG! Even more reason to get the endometrin Rx. I also don't think she would have made the comments about assuming I'm fertile as compared to other people coming to the clinic after they realize they have a problem.  Hello?  I've known about this since I was 15 and I have the psychological damage that comes with knowing you have a fertility problem for over 20 years!  But I didn't tell her that.  If I see her again and she mentions it, I'll tell her it isn't exactly that simple for me.  I wish!

My ovaries still felt full yesterday but I wasn't getting any of the follicle growth pain. I was a little worried yesterday morning thinking something was wrong but I think it was because they'd slowed in growth and whatever is in there was getting ready to pop. I've realized I rarely feel actual ovarian pain. Instead I feel follicle growth for 5-7 days. Very strange sensation when you realize what that is. 

To add to this, today I woke up without a temp shift and had horrible lower right abdominal pain from the moment I woke up until about an hour after I got to work.  When I got to work and went to the bathroom ('cause I have a nice cup of tea before hopping on the bus to work) I had lovely stringy EWCM!  Imagine the horror on my face.  NO!!!  That was just wrong!  I had my IUI yesterday and my body didn't get the memo.  I've spent the entire day thinking this was totally mistimed.  Now, to my body's credit my CM has changed rapidly through the day.  Yesterday I was getting oodles of clear, fertile CM all day.  Today, after that one episode of stringy EWCM it changed such that by the time I left work there was none.  So maybe I ovulated overnight or early this morning.  Maybe that pain I felt earlier today was actually the follicle popping.  I'm just crossing my fingers hoping that the sperm lived long enough that they could jump on the egg as soon as it popped out.  I really don't want this to be a BFN just because this IUI wasn't well timed.  I could handle any number of other reasons but not mistiming.  That would be a stupid, stupid FAIL.

IUI #3 Tomorrow!

I finally surged!  My IUI is at 11 am tomorrow, a little later than the other two I've had.  Here are my bloodwork results from today, CD13:

• E2 = 1313
• LH = 47

The lovely graph over at Wi.ki shows the E2 at 1313 is completely normal, high but normal.  But a reference range I have for an old test shows the upper level for E2 mid-cycle at 1303.  Hello!  That must be one big follicle or I've got a straggler contributing to my E2 level.

So lovely readers please wish me luck.  I am going to need it this round as I'm really hoping this will be the one. ;-)

ETA:  My ovaries are so sore.  The left one started up today so that is why I think I might have a second but smaller follicle contributing to the pain and the E2 level.  I kind of wish I would have had an ultrasound this month but I'll never know.  It is all a bit of a mystery, isn't it?  But I'm thinking positive thoughts tonight. ;-)

I've Been Spermed

I got the call yesterday that I was surging and had my IUI shortly after 10 am this morning.  Beautiful drive over to the clinic today.  It was a quiet, calm morning with huge fluffy snowflakes that just floated down to the ground. 

They seemed to be running a bit behind today or at least maybe this one was on time and the 1st one was just running really early.  Who knows?  But things went so much better and faster this time.  Different nurse.  Told her that I needed a longer speculum so she pulled that out right away.  Huge difference!  No pun intended.  ;-)  The whole thing was done in 2 minutes.  Quick and easy.  In fact, the nurse said that I was the easiest patient she'd ever had.  We both broke out into laughter over that one.  We know full well she meant 'insertion of catheter through the cervical opening' but it just sounded totally ridiculous in the situation.  Sure ... okay, I guess I'm easy.  Don't tell anyone I went to high school with.  ROFL! 

I had absolutely no pain this time.  Didn't even feel the catheter at all.  And I've had no spotting whatsoever either.  The nurse commented on my great CM which I've continued with today.  That gives me some reassurance that the pain I felt last night was NOT O-pain, just some weird non-related lower abdominal pain. 

Dr. V. was on call this weekend so she popped in before I left.  I see her tomorrow for a follow up visit.  Yeah!  We'll see what she says tomorrow.  But today she left me with 2 pieces of good news:

• The sperm sample was very good.  Same numbers as last time.  That reassures me.
• The nurse did not make a mistake yesterday when she told me that my LH was at 76.89.  Yes, 76.89!  From 17.68 to 76.89 in 24 hours.  Dr. V. said they rarely see an LH level that high and hoped that meant good things for this cycle.  Me too.

I found a nifty little chart of LH levels over at the site we know as Wi.ki and my levels are literally almost off the charts.  I'm really crossing my fingers this means a good ovulation and a really good egg this time round.

Now?  To survive the 2ww.

CD 13 ... and the wait continues

Just got a call from the nurse.  Here are my levels today:

• E2 - 888 (slowly rising now)
• LH - 17.68 (keep going!  We need to hit 30.)
• P4 - 2

So, it looks like we're now aiming for a Sunday IUI.  The nurse I spoke to said it looks good and that I'll likely hit surge tomorrow.  I hope so because I don't want to also take Monday off work.

Oh, doorbell.  My furniture is here!

CD11 Bloodwork

First off, I'm feeling better today.  I felt better right off the bat in the morning.  But it still hasn't gone away.  At least I'm not feeling like I'm either going to burst into tears or tear someone's head off.  So that's an improvement.  But in my head I'm doing the whole psychological preparation to head off nastiness when I see my friends and their babies.  I don't even want to think about the arrival of my nephew in June.  Maybe I'll see what I can do to avoid traveling there for work while my sister is still pregnant so I don't have to see that on a regular basis.  I can do Winnipeg instead.

More LH bloodwork today and the nurse who called me with the update actually gave me my numbers:

• E2 - 467
• LH - 8.1 (must be >30 for surge)

The numbers are rising so I'm guessing I'll hit surge on Friday and have IUI #2 on Saturday.  My CM is starting to change but nowhere near where it should be for an IUI on Friday.  But overall not bad because I won't have to miss work.  I was crossing my fingers for Friday so that I could take a full sick day (thank you stupid cramps) and be home for my furniture delivery.  And I could stay home and watch The Vampire Diaries all day if I wanted to.  Yeah, I could do that on Saturday too but it doesn't have the same effect.  Somehow it just feels better to do that on a real day off, not a weekend day when you should be doing housework.  ;-)

CD8 - IUI #2 A Go This Month

Good news from me.  The Dr. has given me the go ahead for another IUI.  I start LH monitoring bloodwork this Tuesday.  Nothing much to report from me on that front.  It is a waiting game.  Finally heard back from my Dr.'s secretary.  She wants to see my new cycle info so I'll be sending that letter I drafted and copies of my crazy Dec and Jan cycles.

In other news ... I've been busy.  I finally bought a dining set today.  I knew what I was looking for and just couldn't find it.  I realized that I can't just wait forever.  It is okay to just get something that will work for 10 years.  I'll eventually be getting a beautiful antique dining table at some point (1 of 2 my parents have) so really, did I want to spend $3000 on a dining set?  No.  I have no room for anything like that right now anyway.  I saw something in a flyer a couple weeks ago but missed the sale.  So I kept my eye open and saw the same company had a huge sale this weekend.  I took the plunge.  I bought a 7-piece set, dark brown wood, shaker style so it works with older and more modern decor.  It isn't expandable, but I don't have room for that now.  I am really looking forward to being able to eat breakfast and read the paper on the weekends.  ;-)  Delivery Friday.

In other, other news ... my sister is having a boy.  My niece is sorely disappointed.  She doesn't want a brother.  Am I the only one who as a little girl wanted a brother?  Can't be possible.  My sister thought it was a boy and a friend of mine did too.  The fight over names continues.  My sister and BIL cannot agree.  This is one thing I am very glad I don't have to deal with.  The great thing for me is that if I get pg and have a girl I can get a ton of second hand stuff.

My mom spilled the beans to my sister.  Not exactly what I wanted but I didn't really get much of a chance to say anything to her at Christmas.  I didn't think it was appropriate to drop a bombshell like "hey, I'm busy buying sperm for IUI" when she came over to pick up my niece from our parents' place.  That would be weird ... and awkward.  My mom didn't know if she should say anything but when my sister said that she was trying to figure out what to do with all the girl clothing she had and who to give it to my mom told her not to get rid of it.  My sister was a little surprised but apparently not weird about it.  Although, she did say something really stupid along the lines of "I don't know why people like that don't just adopt."  *sigh*  I've suddenly become 'those kind of people'.  lol  My mom is great because she said to me "what's the difference ... why don't we expect people like her (i.e. my sister, the super fertile) to adopt first before having biological children?"  Exactly.  Just because I'm single, and I have PCOS doesn't mean that I MUST get rid of my desire to have one biological child.  Oh, how easy it is for the super fertile to take this all for granted. 

I've been a bit MIA from the blog and other things because I've been busy working on a new project.  As much as I didn't want it to happen to me I got sucked into the craziness of the 2ww.  Even the most logical and practical of us succumb.  I came up with the brilliant idea of creating a positive thinking project:  Reasons Why I Love My Life.  Over the next 365 days, I will be posting a minimum of one thing or reason why I really like my life or what makes my life great.  On a really good day I might post more than one.  ;-)  I'm hoping this will help me to focus on the positive even on those days when nothing seems to be going right and, more importantly, if I continue to have to go through further IUIs.  I got everything up and running on Bl.ogger and Tw.itter yesterday and have begun to post.  And I have to say that I have been in a fantastic mood since I decided to do this.  I am under no illusions; this is going to be a big challenge, especially on difficult days.  But like I said, I need to focus on something positive.

I don't believe my blog comes up in searches ... yet.  My Tw.itter account should be searchable now but I've noticed that Tw.itter does some really weird things sometimes, i.e. dropping information you know you've updated.  So who knows if I'll be searchable today.

If you are interested in following along please let me know and I can send the info to you.  For the moment I'm keeping this blog separate from my project.  But who knows, at some point I may link the two.

12 dpiui ... and I'm Out

Well, I was actually out yesterday but I just didn't feel like posting.  Sorry.  I was just filled with so much anger about what my body is not doing and anger at the clinic staff for not listening to me when I told them I needed a 7 dpo progesterone test.

My temps have been strangely consistent over the past 4-6 days so I thought that maybe my progesterone levels had evened out.  I decided to test yesterday even though I had a feeling this cycle would be a wash.  I used a digital to avoid the evil blue dye tests (or perhaps the satan of the home pregnancy test collection ... sorry, couldn't resist) and I got a big fat negative.  I thought, ok, it isn't over until AF shows. 

Get to work and go to the washroom, cause that commute is always a killer after a nice cup of tea with breakfast.  ;-)  I was spotting.  Bright red.  I don't understand, not because I expected this cycle to work, but because this is WAY too early for me.  That means I might, with the operative word being 'might', have had a decent 10 day luteal phase before my body decided it was time to throw out the bath water ... so to speak. 

It did get worse in the afternoon but nothing more than heavy spotting.  I decided to wait until today to see what happened.  More spotting.  Still not at CD1.  Based on past cycles since coming of bcps last summer I can expect a total of 2 or 3 days of spotting before AF shows its ugly face.  Unless you consider my previous cycle in which I spotted red for a full 6 days before AF showed.  But I'd rather ignore that one.

I still think I have a luteal phase problem, probably a progesterone issue linked to the PCOS and crappy ovulation.  I've asked my Dr.'s secretary if I can send updated cycle info by e-mail (and voice my concerns about the nursing staff) or come in to speak with her (and do the same thing in person).  I believe a little more investigation is warranted and a 7dpo progesterone test should be routine for me.  I'm even willing to pay for it myself if it becomes an issue. 

I just want to get the info to the Dr. and have this week end.  I  might feel just a teensy bit better if I can get to CD1.

Bad Blogger ... in the 2ww

Yes, I've been a very bad blogger.  Perhaps there's an award out there for someone like me.  lol  But seriously, I really hadn't had much to report.  But now I do.

I'm currently in the 2ww after an IUI on January 15th.  I opted to go in for LH monitoring bloodwork starting on CD 10, which was last Wednesday, thanks to 2 very wonky cycles in which I wasn't sure I actually ovulated.  I am absolutely certain based on my charts, temps and abdominal pain that I had a cyst (or 2) in November and December.  I had a quick follow up with the RE in early December and she said my charts still looked biphasic but that I could do a 7 dpo progesterone test.  Which I couldn't do because I was out of the province for 3 weeks over the holidays.

So, I just went with that cycle anticipating my call with the clinic nurse to tell me the protocol for a January IUI.  And my December cycle was bizarre.  But I did get my call on December 21st prepping me for January.  The process for an unmedicated IUI at my clinic is to call in on CD 1 and leave a message.  The nurses will call you back the next day.  My protocol is to start either OPKs or LH bloodwork on CD 10 since I've ovulated as early as CD 12.  Because of my 2 wonky cycles I opted for daily bloodwork to be on the safe side. 

I had a super nervous stomach leading up to the start of bloodwork.  Wow!  That was something I wasn't expecting at all.  But as soon as I went in for the first draw it settled.  On Friday, I got the call that I was surging, i.e. LH >30, and that I would come in Saturday at 9 am for my IUI.  Yeah!  Considering it looks like I ovulated on CD 17 in December I was relieved.  Friday was a great day until I got to my park & ride and saw the lovely ticket from the city.  Why have a park & ride if people can't park there?  Stupid.

Saturday, I was up early to get to the clinic with a 1/2 hour to spare.  They say to be there 15 minutes early but that is when they call you into the treatment room and considering snow was in the forecast I wanted to leave early.  I had time to break out a book before they called my name.

I met the nurse who wasn't sure if this was my 1st or 2nd IUI.  Definitely the first.  Apparently there were a few of newbies on Saturday.  We double checked the paperwork and the vial to make sure the donor number was correct.  I got a look at the report:
Volume = 5 mL
Total sperm count = 80 million
# sperm/mL = 16 million
Motility = 40% (this one is a little on the low side of normal and has me slightly concerned so I might follow up)

And then we got down to business.

The nurse couldn't find my cervix opening.  *sigh*  Apparently my cervix was tipped to the left.  No one has told me that before so I don't know if this is the usual thing or if it was playing jokes on us.  She used a speculum that was too short ... and caused way too much pain.  My toes were curling up.  She got a longer one and was finally able to find the cervix.  I felt the catheter go in and even though it wasn't anything I'd like to experience every day it was definitely bearable.

And then, it was done.  Short and sweet.  I was to lie there for 15 minutes and wait for the doctor to check on me before I could leave.  I have to say it was really, really weird sitting there on my back staring at the ceiling and the clock thinking about all the little swimmers making their way around my uterus.  I've never so much as had unprotected sex my entire life so it made it all the more surreal.  Dr. J. came in, not the doc I was expecting, and made sure everything was okay.  No problem.  And I was given my card for my pregnancy test on February 1st.  I'm out of town that day so I'll have to call back and schedule it for the 2nd.  Although, given my luteal phase length (13 or 14 days) if this IUI didn't work I'll definitely know before the 1st ... or the 2nd.

Out of curiosity I took OPKs on Saturday after the IUI and I got a positive in the morning and afternoon both Fir.st Res.ponse and Cle.ar Blue Di.gital.  Based on the OPKs and the abdominal pain I felt I am certain I ovulated on the weekend.  And I've seen 2 days of temp rises as well.  I'm now waiting to see if I get another temp rise tomorrow before ovulation can be confirmed.

I took Saturday fairly easy spending the morning on the couch with my cat on my lap and dealing with the low level abdominal and cervical pain and the spotting from the IUI.  By Sunday I was feeling much better, no pain left at all.

I'm really happy I chose to go with bloodwork because if I relied on OPKs alone I might have missed my surge althogether.  If there is a follow up IUI, and I'm sure there will be just based on statistics, I'll definitely go in for bloodwork again.  And now I get to move on to pregnancy tests in a couple weeks and guaranteed I'll become a POAS (pee on a stick) aholic.  ;-)

2-for-1 Post

In order to prevent any new reader who stumbles across my blog from thinking I'm a raving, bitter lunatic I thought I should post something new and more positive.  Today we have a 2-for-1 post.

Donor Sperm Ordered

After careful consideration of all the, er ... options, I made my choice on the weekend.  I knew immediately upon reading the donor's profile that he'd be the one but I read through quite a few others to make sure I had a couple backups.  I placed my order by e-mail on the weekend and got confirmation today.  The vials will ship on November 22nd direct to the clinic.  At $700 a pop (yes, you read that right) I only ordered 3.  Yeesh, I need to earn more overtime to pay for the next round.

I'll post on how I went about choosing the donor at another time.  I haven't come across a lot of blog postings about this but those few I did I found informative.  What I can share with you is that the donor has brown hair, hazel/green eyes, is 6'0"  and has a mixed English/Dutch background.  Chances are my child will inherit my brown eyes anyway.  And the background is close to my family's which is German.  My goal was to have the donor blend as much as possible with us.  He has one sister and a good medical history.  I specifically excluded donors with a history of diabetes (because of my PCOS) and a lot of cancers, particularly ovarian, endometrial, and breast cancer since we have absolutely no history of that in our family.  He's also smart and ambitious, which seems to run in the family.  And most importantly he's an Open ID donor.

I Told My Boss

Well, okay not the real bosses, i.e. the Minister or the Prime Minister.  lol  Nope, I told the brand new supervisor for our team.  I was really hoping to not have to tell anyone at work and was even getting pretty crafty with planning my travel.  I have the perfect plan to do my required 1 week of travel a month during the 2 week wait to distract my brain.  But pressure is coming from on high to add to our workload and I can't commit to any more than that 1 week a month.  And seeing as how I've been a go-to traveler for the past 21 months someone was going to wonder what the heck was going on.  Not to mention my frequent absences from the office for appointments and tests at the clinic.

So I took advantage of our supervisor's request for our availability for extra travel starting in January as the opening.  I became very nervous and I think my heart started pounding a little too fast.  Yes, I did remember to take my thyroid meds last night.  Everything is fine.  My supervisor has a friend who had to go through fertility treatments to have her daughter so she's understanding of the fact that this can be a very involved process.  I'm starting out with unmedicated IUIs so I have lots of leeway in terms of changing things up and adding meds.  But I told her that I'm glad to go unmedicated for now so that at least for a few more months I don't have to deal with fertility drug induced hormones.  Pretty important in my job seeing as how I deal with historic child abuse cases.

She's fine with my 1 week a month of travel as that meets my job requirements and she'll always ask me if there is anything else I am able to pick up.  If not, no problem.  I'll keep her updated on my schedule as the weeks I predicted being available January through March are already a little off thanks to what seems to be a 26-day cycle.

I can officially classify today as a good one.

Follow up with the RE

Back in July I was quickly referred to the fertility clinic in town.  Really quickly.  Think a week between asking my specialist for a referral and getting the call from the clinic.  I had expected 2 - 3 months based on what I was told.

At my appointment Dr. V, my RE, told me that I'd have to go off bcps so we could do a full fertility workup on me.  I understood that would happen but had a momentary panic thinking that my ovaries would take this opportunity to have a follicle party leading to major trouble.  Thanks PCOS!  So I went off after the last week of pills and was able to get in to the clinic lab for my CD3 bloodwork, a baseline ultrasound on CD6 and a SIS (saline infusion sonogram) on CD11.  All of the testing was done by August 26th and my follow up was scheduled for October 19th.

I met with Dr. V. on the 19th and got great news!  I had no worries about the ultrasounds, particularly the results from the SIS.  I had the same tech (S) for both and she said that at the SIS the Dr. would be able to give me the results right away.  Dr. H, who I like to call Dr. Happy because he just seems that way, called my tubes "beautiful".  Thanks, I guess!  lol  I was a little anxious because with PCOS I've just come to expect something else will be wrong or go wrong with my body.  Not this time.  Everything appears to be in perfect working order:  uterus, lining, ovarian shape, size and volume, and follicles.

At my appointment with Dr. V. I got all the results.  She said I have good ovarian reserve.  And at 36 I'm relieved to hear that.  You never know what is going on inside.  Here are my CD3 results:

• DHE-S - 3.24 umol/L
• Prolactin - 13.37 ug/L
• TSH - 0.66 mIU/L (perfect for my hypothyroidism)
• Testosterone - 0.91 nmol/L
• FSH - 5.94 IU/L (super excited about this result!)
• LH - 7.66 IU/L (very happy with this)

I'm pleased with my LH:FSH ratio.  The last time I had my bloodwork done off bcps the ratio was off, as in 3:1 off, highly indicative of PCOS.  I now have a ratio of 1.28:1, a HUGE improvement.

I hadn't begun charting with temperature taking that month so I wasn't exactly sure if I had ovulated.  I could only take a guess, based on a positive OPK, that I was 7 or 8 days post-ovulation on CD22 when I went in for my post-ovulation progesterone test.  The results, 40.80 nmol/L, showed what Dr. V. called a "really nice ovulation".  Good to know I guessed the day correctly.

My antral follicle count seems to be a little high according to any reference ranges I've found.  My AFC was 33.  But Dr. V. didn't seem concerned at all.  I mean, we all know I have PCOS, so if my AFC results were a little high that wouldn't exactly be a surprise.  I've felt my ovaries come to life since stopping bcps so I'm hoping that as my hormones settle out a bit that my AFC will come down just a little.

And one of my biggest questions was answered:  CMV-.  This was the result I was most interested in getting because it would determine the number of donors I could consider.  In some ways I was a little disappointed because my donor options are really limited.  My mom asked, "What?  You wanted to be CMV+?"  She's a lab technologist so it isn't like she doesn't know what it is.  But yes, a + would mean I have more options to choose from.  So, after I got the results I had to go into my list and delete a huge number of profiles.  Luckily my current 1st choice is CMV-.  I still want to give the European donors a fair chance so I'm going to get a few of those profiles so I at least have a backup.

On to next steps.  I have to see Dr. G., a psychologist specializing in reproductive psychology at the clinic, to discuss the implications of using a donor.  I have an appointment scheduled for November 1st.  And I get to order the donor sperm.  Dr. V. recommended 2 - 3 vials at once in case I'm interested in doing procedures in back-to-back months.  Once I've seen Dr. G. my file will go back to Dr. V.'s nurses and then we'll be ready to roll.