I Have a Tiny Little Secret

After a lot of thought I decided to try for #2. I had another IUI with a different donor on October 30th and it worked! I'm now 19dpiui and my beta was 976, just above the median for 19dpo. I'm relieved that the number is good but I'm also feeling a bit nervous because this is very much real.

My beta results

541.94!!!  And my progesterone is 55.33!!!  I'm most definitely very pregnant. ;-)

I didn't get the call until after 2 and by about 1:20 I was starting to get nervous.  So nervous, in fact, that my stomach was not happy ... and that never happens to me.  I took another test last night just for fun and the test line is darker than the control line so I figured the news today would have to be good.  They called home first but that wasn't the number I left with them!  I left the office number.  *sigh* 

I think I got a new nurse because I've never talked to her before and she wasn't able to find my progesterone Rx information in the file when I asked her if I should discontinue it.  Nurse H, who did my last 2 IUIs, was in the background and I could hear her telling Nurse M all about my progesterone Rx. 

With those numbers I don't have to go in for a 2nd beta.  I will get a call in a couple weeks for an ultrasound.  And I'll need to make an appointment to follow up with my nurse practitioner to monitor my thyroid levels.  I also get to stop the progesterone.  I'm leery to do so but I have 21 suppositories left so I'm going to taper off by switching to one a day at night from this point.  I'm excited to be able to get away from the goop and the liners. 

I'm happy and excited but still being cautious.  Maybe too cautious?  I don't know.  I feel like I'm less excited than I should be at this point.  Should I be 'swinging from the rafters' at this point?  I feel like I should but I can't get quite that excited because of what happened last time.  I think that is probably completely normal so I'm not going to beat myself up over it.  I'll just enjoy this phase as much as I can at this point.

BFP!

I stuck it out and didn't test until this morning.  This is what I got:

No mistaking that second line.  It actually came up within 5 seconds so there is no doubt.  I took this within 3 minutes and the line continued to darken.  It is the same colour as the control line.

I had begun to suspect that I might get a BFP around Friday but still refused to test while I was on the road.  I hadn't had any pre-AF spotting just like in February so I thought this might be a sign of a BFP.  Then, I've been having crazy pain in my lower right pelvic area for about 4 days.  I didn't know if that was from impending AF or if it was just a large corpus luteum. 

I'm being cautiously optimistic at this point.  My beta isn't until Tuesday so I have to wait for the exact numbers.  But until then I'll be happy and cross my fingers that this one will stick!

Not Reassured

I did another FRER shortly before supper after holding for 4 hours ... maybe too much holding.  I'm not reassured.  I thought I'd get a good pink line.  Nope, barely anything.  It is really difficult to see and it looks like it might be pink but I can't be sure.

I'm now leaning towards a chemical pregnancy this month.  Those Monday tests with their obvious double pink lines are sitting there on the counter just staring at me.  I feel very sad.

17 dpo - Still In Test Limbo

I followed up my FRER test on Monday morning with one Monday evening because I just didn't believe it.  I got another double pink line.  Both double pink lines are still there, i.e. they are not evaps or some weird false positive.  I followed up Tuesday morning with another one and there is a faint double pink line.  These 3 FRERs come from 2 different batches.

I took a digital today, because I'm insane, and I got a lovely BFN!  I couldn't believe it.  I'm shocked.  I'm still getting cramping.  I would have assumed that if I were NOT pregnant that my corpus luteum would have shrunk by now and that it would only be the progesterone keeping AF away.  My temps have also leveled out, amazingly actually given my post-O temps looked like the Rocky Mountains even on progesterone supplements.  They're still high for me, but more importantly, they became extremely stable at 14 dpo.  My hormones are also off, i.e. I am getting hungry way too early.  I don't mean 'pregnancy hunger', I'm talking about the effect of pregnancy on my PCOS and insulin levels.  Something is very weird, something that I've never experienced before without it actually occurring during AF.

Either that digital is wrong (maybe not as sensitive) or I was pregant and I am no longer.  I don't know ...