Thanks to my commenters. I'm still feeling very conflicted over stopping breastfeeding. Well, it isn't really the stopping part that I'm conflicted about. Intellectually I know it was the right decision because he wasn't gaining weight.
I feel more like I'm second guessing myself and all the things I did while breastfeeding and pumping. And it still didn't work out. I keep thinking that if I'd pumped more or pumped more often whether things would have been different. At my first appointment with the l/c when Henry was 5 days ago we did a pre-feed and post-feed weigh and he got 4 oz from me. Why then did my supply not increase or keep up? I don't get it.
Intellectually I think, in part, it had to do with PCOS. I don't know anyone else who took as much domperi.done, fenu.greek and bless.ed this.tle as I did that had supply issues. And I think Henry played his part as well in being a lazy feeder, tired all the time, falling asleep during feedings regularly even when desperately hungry, jaundiced, and having latch issues (which resolved) and suck issues. He just never sucked hard enough long enough to get an appropriate amount of nutrition from me.
Ugh! I'm just having a moment today and I really hate it. I think I need to file this under 'hormones' for other reasons.
Showing posts with label Breastfeeding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Breastfeeding. Show all posts
Friday, March 16, 2012
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Frustration
No lactation consultant appointment today as she had to cancel. Not necessarily a bad thing since the roads were horrible thanks to blowing snow + salt covered roads = messy dangerous conditions. But I was curious to see if Henry gained any weight between our midwife appointment Monday and today. And I wanted to tell the lactation consultant that I HAVE to supplement. Why?
At our discharge appointment with the midwife on Monday Henry got weighed. We were able to compare his weight to where he was a week and a half before. In that time he put on only 3 ounces. Three measly ounces. I had cut back on supplementing thinking that he'd work harder for his supper and hopefully build up my supply a little. I guess not. I was supplementing only at the last feeding before going to bed and on the odd day I added in another supplement. This is clearly not enough. I have no idea how much he is getting from me at a feeding but it is obviously not enough. My nurse practitioner agreed this is nowhere near enough weight to be gaining.
So, Operation Fatten has begun. I'm going to offer him supplementation after every feeding and see how much he'll take. I suspect this little guy has been hungry a lot lately. :-( Hopefully, he'll adjust really well and it won't take long for him to get into a regular pattern with the new feeding schedule. He was a bit wired Tuesday when I added the bottle feedings. He slept in the morning (yay!) but he was wired at night (not so good). Hopefully this is just an adjustment thing.
We start our well baby visits with the nurse practitioner and she is happy to have him come in regularly to be weighed. I'm going to offer him the breast first at every feeding and then a bottle. And hopefully he'll start putting on some weight.
In other news, Henry hit 7 weeks on Tuesday so here is an updated photo:
At our discharge appointment with the midwife on Monday Henry got weighed. We were able to compare his weight to where he was a week and a half before. In that time he put on only 3 ounces. Three measly ounces. I had cut back on supplementing thinking that he'd work harder for his supper and hopefully build up my supply a little. I guess not. I was supplementing only at the last feeding before going to bed and on the odd day I added in another supplement. This is clearly not enough. I have no idea how much he is getting from me at a feeding but it is obviously not enough. My nurse practitioner agreed this is nowhere near enough weight to be gaining.
So, Operation Fatten has begun. I'm going to offer him supplementation after every feeding and see how much he'll take. I suspect this little guy has been hungry a lot lately. :-( Hopefully, he'll adjust really well and it won't take long for him to get into a regular pattern with the new feeding schedule. He was a bit wired Tuesday when I added the bottle feedings. He slept in the morning (yay!) but he was wired at night (not so good). Hopefully this is just an adjustment thing.
We start our well baby visits with the nurse practitioner and she is happy to have him come in regularly to be weighed. I'm going to offer him the breast first at every feeding and then a bottle. And hopefully he'll start putting on some weight.
In other news, Henry hit 7 weeks on Tuesday so here is an updated photo:
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| Just hanging out in my future toy basket |
Monday, February 20, 2012
9
As in 9 pounds, that is.
Henry has his last weight check in with the lactation consultant on Thursday. He finally hit 9 pounds gaining 5 ounces in a week. The l/c wants to see a gain between 4 and 8 ounces a week. He falls at the lower end but he did gain appropriately, even with me cutting back on supplementation. At his check in with the midwife later that day he weighed 9 lbs 2 oz on their scale but I know theirs is different than the l/c's scale. I stick with the l/c's numbers since he's been more consistently weighed on hers. And he's growing lengthwise as well. He checked in at 23.75 inches or 60 cm. He's starting to outgrow a number of things lengthwise even if there is a lot of room around. He's still skinny. I checked and Henry is in the 90-95th percentile for length and about the 25th for weight.
He also seems to be starting his 6 week growth spurt. He's been super hungry and while I know the l/c wanted me to call her if I had to supplement him I don't know how I can breastfeed him, have him get super fussy (squirm, kick, pop on and off, etc) and not be satisfied ... leading me to have to supplement him. I had to supplement 3 times yesterday: 2 oz, 5 oz (!) and then 2 oz again at night before going to bed. He was already supplemented once today around noon because he was hungry. I gave him 3 ounces not long after breastfeeding and pumping (lovely!) because he was clearly still hungry. And after than he cried for more. So he took about a 1/2 ounce more. He's currently sleeping, which he doesn't usually do during the day. (On a side note, I think one of the clues he isn't getting enough from me at any time is that he doesn't sleep much. Nowhere near the 10-12 hours he's supposed to be getting. I'm lucky if he sleeps about 5-6 hours at night. But not much during the day.)
The three nights after my last post were a disaster as far as night sleeping was concerned. He was waking up at weird hours and feeding poorly. And I ended up with 3 or fewer hours of sleep/night those nights so I decided to do what was working before: Start his last breastfeeding session when he is ready anywhere from 10:30 to 12:30 at night and then supplement him. This works far better because I am able to get at least 4.5 hours of sleep. Never more than 6 but 4.5 is better than 3 so I'll take it. When I supplement him (usually no more than 2 ounces) he wakes up ready to eat and is far more efficient at it. He doesn't take 2 hours to eat! So, as long as that is working I'm going to keep doing it.
I'm already on 4 pills of fenugreek 4 times/day, 5 pills of blessed thistle 4 times/day and 40 mg of domperidone 3 times/day and I can tell Henry just doesn't get enough from me. He is rarely satiated and rarely sleeps after feedings ... unless he is supplemented. I find it really hard to sit through a 2 hour feeding session only to barely get time to go to the bathroom and eat, if I'm lucky, only to have to start it all again at most an hour later. I also struggle to get pumping in as well with that schedule.
The point of this is that I'm going to have to supplement Henry. Period. I have no choice. I broke down in tears last night whenever he goes through growth spurts because I don't like having to do this. But my body just doesn't want to do this the way I thought it would. Damned PCOS! I'm already past what my m/w can prescribe for domperidone (30 mg 3 times/day) and other than checking out my thyroid I think I've reached my supplementation limit.
I just have to keep reminding myself that it is more important that Henry eat and grow than where it comes from. I just hate that I can't give him everything he needs.
Henry has his last weight check in with the lactation consultant on Thursday. He finally hit 9 pounds gaining 5 ounces in a week. The l/c wants to see a gain between 4 and 8 ounces a week. He falls at the lower end but he did gain appropriately, even with me cutting back on supplementation. At his check in with the midwife later that day he weighed 9 lbs 2 oz on their scale but I know theirs is different than the l/c's scale. I stick with the l/c's numbers since he's been more consistently weighed on hers. And he's growing lengthwise as well. He checked in at 23.75 inches or 60 cm. He's starting to outgrow a number of things lengthwise even if there is a lot of room around. He's still skinny. I checked and Henry is in the 90-95th percentile for length and about the 25th for weight.
He also seems to be starting his 6 week growth spurt. He's been super hungry and while I know the l/c wanted me to call her if I had to supplement him I don't know how I can breastfeed him, have him get super fussy (squirm, kick, pop on and off, etc) and not be satisfied ... leading me to have to supplement him. I had to supplement 3 times yesterday: 2 oz, 5 oz (!) and then 2 oz again at night before going to bed. He was already supplemented once today around noon because he was hungry. I gave him 3 ounces not long after breastfeeding and pumping (lovely!) because he was clearly still hungry. And after than he cried for more. So he took about a 1/2 ounce more. He's currently sleeping, which he doesn't usually do during the day. (On a side note, I think one of the clues he isn't getting enough from me at any time is that he doesn't sleep much. Nowhere near the 10-12 hours he's supposed to be getting. I'm lucky if he sleeps about 5-6 hours at night. But not much during the day.)
The three nights after my last post were a disaster as far as night sleeping was concerned. He was waking up at weird hours and feeding poorly. And I ended up with 3 or fewer hours of sleep/night those nights so I decided to do what was working before: Start his last breastfeeding session when he is ready anywhere from 10:30 to 12:30 at night and then supplement him. This works far better because I am able to get at least 4.5 hours of sleep. Never more than 6 but 4.5 is better than 3 so I'll take it. When I supplement him (usually no more than 2 ounces) he wakes up ready to eat and is far more efficient at it. He doesn't take 2 hours to eat! So, as long as that is working I'm going to keep doing it.
I'm already on 4 pills of fenugreek 4 times/day, 5 pills of blessed thistle 4 times/day and 40 mg of domperidone 3 times/day and I can tell Henry just doesn't get enough from me. He is rarely satiated and rarely sleeps after feedings ... unless he is supplemented. I find it really hard to sit through a 2 hour feeding session only to barely get time to go to the bathroom and eat, if I'm lucky, only to have to start it all again at most an hour later. I also struggle to get pumping in as well with that schedule.
The point of this is that I'm going to have to supplement Henry. Period. I have no choice. I broke down in tears last night whenever he goes through growth spurts because I don't like having to do this. But my body just doesn't want to do this the way I thought it would. Damned PCOS! I'm already past what my m/w can prescribe for domperidone (30 mg 3 times/day) and other than checking out my thyroid I think I've reached my supplementation limit.
I just have to keep reminding myself that it is more important that Henry eat and grow than where it comes from. I just hate that I can't give him everything he needs.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Valentine's Day
I get to spend Valentine's Day with the new man in my life ... Henry. ;-)
Today started out really well. Henry slept from just after 1 am to about 6:30 and followed that up with a good feeding. He was off to a good 3 hour schedule and gave me time to shower when he fell asleep this morning. It didn't matter much that he had diaper accidents again today ... he's growing out of newborn diapers and isn't quite wide enough for the next size up hence the accidents.
And then some time in the afternoon he decided that today would be a cluster feeding day! He's been on the breast most of the day since I ate lunch. He falls asleep from time to time then wakes up and munches away. And if he wakes up unlatched or I take him off in his sleep and he wakes up he just cries. I'm not quite sure how things are going to go tonight. Hopefully we can both get some sleep but if not we don't have to go anywhere tomorrow.
I managed to get a rare shot of Henry with his leg fully extended in his sleeper, this one gently used by my nephew and so cute I've been trying to get a good photo of him in it:
I say rare because usually Henry does this:
He does a good 'mermaid' look and he even has a Flipper version too. lol I think it is cute and it has turned out to be very practical. We're getting extended use out of his smallest sleepers. If he kept his feet where they should be he'd have already outgrown his first 2 sizes of sleepers already.
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| 5 weeks old today! |
And then some time in the afternoon he decided that today would be a cluster feeding day! He's been on the breast most of the day since I ate lunch. He falls asleep from time to time then wakes up and munches away. And if he wakes up unlatched or I take him off in his sleep and he wakes up he just cries. I'm not quite sure how things are going to go tonight. Hopefully we can both get some sleep but if not we don't have to go anywhere tomorrow.
I managed to get a rare shot of Henry with his leg fully extended in his sleeper, this one gently used by my nephew and so cute I've been trying to get a good photo of him in it:
I say rare because usually Henry does this:
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| I like to pretend I have no legs! |
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Just dropping in
Sorry I haven't updated in a month. Wow! A whole month!
Things have been more like a gong show here than a blissful mom and baby experience. To make a very long (and repetitive *see below*) story short Henry and I were discharged 3 1/2 hours after his birth. I was so happy to go home quickly and loved being able to stay at home that first night. My mom stayed in bed with me and baby Henry that first night and we knew something wasn't quite right as he was clearly hungry but didn't want to latch onto the breast. My midwife and her student came for a home visit the next morning and advised this wasn't good so they left us with some tubes and syringes to use to feed baby. And to top it off Henry was jaundiced. Yep, he got his blood type from the donor - A from him and Rh + from me (donor is -ve). By the end of the day we were back at the hospital and Henry was admitted. That meant I was stuck there for 2 nights too. Henry didn't mind the incubator (or his 'hot house' as I called it) as it was toasty warm.
We were discharged after 2 nights in hospital and I was really glad to go home. I hated every minute being there and isolated from my parents who had to drive 40 minutes each way in crappy winter weather to visit. Not to mention the one insane night nurse who seemed to think forcing my child to try the breast for 2 HOURS at 1 in the morning was a splendid idea. Thankfully Henry is too young to remember this otherwise I think he'd have ended up with something akin to PT.SD from that experience. But I digress ...
As to the repetitive part of the story all I can say is breastfeeding has been a bit of a nightmare. Apparently my little guy was born with a disorganized suck. He is slowly getting better but he still struggles to suck not to mention actually latching. He can't latch onto the nipple so we've been working with a nipple shield and pump since he was 1 1/2 days old. The routine is tiresome: breastfeed with shield waiting for the little guy who gets really tired to fall asleep off and on before declaring that he's finished ... which can take anywhere from an hour to two hours. Oh my ... Then, if things work out I get to pump for a while. Sometimes he gets supplemented by bottle and that doesn't go any easier for Henry either. He still has difficulty 'latching' on to the bottle's nipple. I have a child who would sleep 6+ hours through the night if he were gaining appropriately. But no, I have had to wake him up in the middle of the night to feed him and that has always been a disaster since he eats so poorly at night. I have serious envy of people whose babies are allowed to sleep long at night and whose babies also wake up to demand feed because Henry didn't do that until just this past week either. *sigh*
Needless to say we've been working with a lactation consultant since Henry was 5 days old. I am not doing everything according to her wishes, i.e. feeding him formula from time to time and supplementing him more than she recommends, but he was not gaining weight with what I was giving him by breast. He didn't get back to birth weight until the day after he was 3 weeks old. It took another 5 days for him to surpass birth weight finally getting past 8 pounds (8 lbs 1 oz). He hit 8 lbs 11 oz at his weigh in today. Personally, I'm going with what works and that is breast first then supplement because he's hungry. I pump when I get a chance and he's not crying.
I hate to say it but after 1 month I am very much looking forward to breastfeeding being over. After all this I cannot say that I will ever enjoy the experience. It is a big let down (no pun intended) as I was looking forward to this, albeit not in a 'we will bond over the breast' kind of way. At this point I continue to breastfeed as much as I can because I feel it is better for Henry for a variety of reasons, it is certainly less expensive than full out formula feeding, and because I don't want to admit failure (talk to me about supply problems ... you don't want to know how many pills I take a day just to get what I get out of these breasts). I am really looking forward to moving on to solid food.
I do promise to post another update as well as Henry's birth story when I get a chance. What I can say is that the birth went really well and I can't really complain about the experience. I describe it as easy compared to what others go through.
Things have been more like a gong show here than a blissful mom and baby experience. To make a very long (and repetitive *see below*) story short Henry and I were discharged 3 1/2 hours after his birth. I was so happy to go home quickly and loved being able to stay at home that first night. My mom stayed in bed with me and baby Henry that first night and we knew something wasn't quite right as he was clearly hungry but didn't want to latch onto the breast. My midwife and her student came for a home visit the next morning and advised this wasn't good so they left us with some tubes and syringes to use to feed baby. And to top it off Henry was jaundiced. Yep, he got his blood type from the donor - A from him and Rh + from me (donor is -ve). By the end of the day we were back at the hospital and Henry was admitted. That meant I was stuck there for 2 nights too. Henry didn't mind the incubator (or his 'hot house' as I called it) as it was toasty warm.
We were discharged after 2 nights in hospital and I was really glad to go home. I hated every minute being there and isolated from my parents who had to drive 40 minutes each way in crappy winter weather to visit. Not to mention the one insane night nurse who seemed to think forcing my child to try the breast for 2 HOURS at 1 in the morning was a splendid idea. Thankfully Henry is too young to remember this otherwise I think he'd have ended up with something akin to PT.SD from that experience. But I digress ...
As to the repetitive part of the story all I can say is breastfeeding has been a bit of a nightmare. Apparently my little guy was born with a disorganized suck. He is slowly getting better but he still struggles to suck not to mention actually latching. He can't latch onto the nipple so we've been working with a nipple shield and pump since he was 1 1/2 days old. The routine is tiresome: breastfeed with shield waiting for the little guy who gets really tired to fall asleep off and on before declaring that he's finished ... which can take anywhere from an hour to two hours. Oh my ... Then, if things work out I get to pump for a while. Sometimes he gets supplemented by bottle and that doesn't go any easier for Henry either. He still has difficulty 'latching' on to the bottle's nipple. I have a child who would sleep 6+ hours through the night if he were gaining appropriately. But no, I have had to wake him up in the middle of the night to feed him and that has always been a disaster since he eats so poorly at night. I have serious envy of people whose babies are allowed to sleep long at night and whose babies also wake up to demand feed because Henry didn't do that until just this past week either. *sigh*
Needless to say we've been working with a lactation consultant since Henry was 5 days old. I am not doing everything according to her wishes, i.e. feeding him formula from time to time and supplementing him more than she recommends, but he was not gaining weight with what I was giving him by breast. He didn't get back to birth weight until the day after he was 3 weeks old. It took another 5 days for him to surpass birth weight finally getting past 8 pounds (8 lbs 1 oz). He hit 8 lbs 11 oz at his weigh in today. Personally, I'm going with what works and that is breast first then supplement because he's hungry. I pump when I get a chance and he's not crying.
I hate to say it but after 1 month I am very much looking forward to breastfeeding being over. After all this I cannot say that I will ever enjoy the experience. It is a big let down (no pun intended) as I was looking forward to this, albeit not in a 'we will bond over the breast' kind of way. At this point I continue to breastfeed as much as I can because I feel it is better for Henry for a variety of reasons, it is certainly less expensive than full out formula feeding, and because I don't want to admit failure (talk to me about supply problems ... you don't want to know how many pills I take a day just to get what I get out of these breasts). I am really looking forward to moving on to solid food.
I do promise to post another update as well as Henry's birth story when I get a chance. What I can say is that the birth went really well and I can't really complain about the experience. I describe it as easy compared to what others go through.
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