Temp Drop

So instead of my temp going up today, it dropped.  From a 97.3 to a 96.9.  WTH?  Really?  I'm telling myself that one temperature drop doesn't mean anything but with PCOS I'm a little a.nal about the temp issues. 

I called the clinic to rearrange my pregnancy test.  No problem moving it back a day.  I also asked if I could do a 7 dpo progesterone test to confirm ovulation.  The Dr. wanted one done in December but I couldn't go due to being out of province for 3 weeks.  It was a no go.  I was told that because my LH bloodwork showed a surge that there was no possible way I couldn't have ovulated this cycle.  Maybe the ovulation would be weak this month, but I would have o'd.  Really?  I didn't know that.  (Insert sarcasm here.)  I'm not sure how they can tell beforehand especially with rocky temperatures that are caused, no doubt, by PCOS hormone issues in my post-o phase. I'm not very happy with that.

But, on the good news front I have a new GP.  Well, more like a whole clinic.  My doctor, who is downtown, has been saying she wants to retire for some time now.  I think she's trying to get a young doctor to take over her sole practice but I decided to be proactive and find a new one now that I'm out in the suburbs.  I found a community clinic where the doctors are salaried (I'm a huge believer in that), there are nurse practitioners and other health professionals on staff, and other community services are provided right in the same clinic. 

I went for my meet and greet and met the nurse practitioner who I love!  I'm so excited.  I'll be seeing her for most things as the meds I have to take are all things she can prescribe.  I asked her about an antihistamine I can take in the 2ww and after and she ran to grab the 'pregnancy and meds' bible they use.  And absolutely no judgment about attempting to become a single mom either ... which I love!  So far the clinic seems really quiet but that might change once more people know it exists.  But, so far so good.  And I will no longer be stuck needing a prescription refill while my doc is on 5 weeks of previously unannounced vacation out of the country. 

So in the end my day turned out okay.  Crossing my fingers for my temp to go up again tomorrow, even by just a little.

Bad Blogger ... in the 2ww

Yes, I've been a very bad blogger.  Perhaps there's an award out there for someone like me.  lol  But seriously, I really hadn't had much to report.  But now I do.

I'm currently in the 2ww after an IUI on January 15th.  I opted to go in for LH monitoring bloodwork starting on CD 10, which was last Wednesday, thanks to 2 very wonky cycles in which I wasn't sure I actually ovulated.  I am absolutely certain based on my charts, temps and abdominal pain that I had a cyst (or 2) in November and December.  I had a quick follow up with the RE in early December and she said my charts still looked biphasic but that I could do a 7 dpo progesterone test.  Which I couldn't do because I was out of the province for 3 weeks over the holidays.

So, I just went with that cycle anticipating my call with the clinic nurse to tell me the protocol for a January IUI.  And my December cycle was bizarre.  But I did get my call on December 21st prepping me for January.  The process for an unmedicated IUI at my clinic is to call in on CD 1 and leave a message.  The nurses will call you back the next day.  My protocol is to start either OPKs or LH bloodwork on CD 10 since I've ovulated as early as CD 12.  Because of my 2 wonky cycles I opted for daily bloodwork to be on the safe side. 

I had a super nervous stomach leading up to the start of bloodwork.  Wow!  That was something I wasn't expecting at all.  But as soon as I went in for the first draw it settled.  On Friday, I got the call that I was surging, i.e. LH >30, and that I would come in Saturday at 9 am for my IUI.  Yeah!  Considering it looks like I ovulated on CD 17 in December I was relieved.  Friday was a great day until I got to my park & ride and saw the lovely ticket from the city.  Why have a park & ride if people can't park there?  Stupid.

Saturday, I was up early to get to the clinic with a 1/2 hour to spare.  They say to be there 15 minutes early but that is when they call you into the treatment room and considering snow was in the forecast I wanted to leave early.  I had time to break out a book before they called my name.

I met the nurse who wasn't sure if this was my 1st or 2nd IUI.  Definitely the first.  Apparently there were a few of newbies on Saturday.  We double checked the paperwork and the vial to make sure the donor number was correct.  I got a look at the report:
Volume = 5 mL
Total sperm count = 80 million
# sperm/mL = 16 million
Motility = 40% (this one is a little on the low side of normal and has me slightly concerned so I might follow up)

And then we got down to business.

The nurse couldn't find my cervix opening.  *sigh*  Apparently my cervix was tipped to the left.  No one has told me that before so I don't know if this is the usual thing or if it was playing jokes on us.  She used a speculum that was too short ... and caused way too much pain.  My toes were curling up.  She got a longer one and was finally able to find the cervix.  I felt the catheter go in and even though it wasn't anything I'd like to experience every day it was definitely bearable.

And then, it was done.  Short and sweet.  I was to lie there for 15 minutes and wait for the doctor to check on me before I could leave.  I have to say it was really, really weird sitting there on my back staring at the ceiling and the clock thinking about all the little swimmers making their way around my uterus.  I've never so much as had unprotected sex my entire life so it made it all the more surreal.  Dr. J. came in, not the doc I was expecting, and made sure everything was okay.  No problem.  And I was given my card for my pregnancy test on February 1st.  I'm out of town that day so I'll have to call back and schedule it for the 2nd.  Although, given my luteal phase length (13 or 14 days) if this IUI didn't work I'll definitely know before the 1st ... or the 2nd.

Out of curiosity I took OPKs on Saturday after the IUI and I got a positive in the morning and afternoon both Fir.st Res.ponse and Cle.ar Blue Di.gital.  Based on the OPKs and the abdominal pain I felt I am certain I ovulated on the weekend.  And I've seen 2 days of temp rises as well.  I'm now waiting to see if I get another temp rise tomorrow before ovulation can be confirmed.

I took Saturday fairly easy spending the morning on the couch with my cat on my lap and dealing with the low level abdominal and cervical pain and the spotting from the IUI.  By Sunday I was feeling much better, no pain left at all.

I'm really happy I chose to go with bloodwork because if I relied on OPKs alone I might have missed my surge althogether.  If there is a follow up IUI, and I'm sure there will be just based on statistics, I'll definitely go in for bloodwork again.  And now I get to move on to pregnancy tests in a couple weeks and guaranteed I'll become a POAS (pee on a stick) aholic.  ;-)

Hilarious Spam Comment

I really had nothing to post but decided to check out my blog just in case new readers had found it and left comments.  I did receive a comment on my last post but it wasn't exactly what I thought I'd find:

Going back to school is a very ideal option for single moms. A college diploma can help a mom land a bigger job, get a raise, or even be promoted. However, studying is very expensive and usually time-consuming. There is just no way that a single mother can raise her kid, work in her job, and study for college all at the same time.  For help visit this site... [blah, blah, blah].

ROFL!  I find this absolutely hilarious because I have 3, yes, count them, 3 university degrees including an MA and a professional degree.  I really don't think I need to go back to school for a college diploma.

Just Checking In

I've been on the road again getting back at 2 am last night.  Luckily Air Canada held our connecting flight in Toronto, which NEVER happens because it is Air Canada, and I got home at 2 am.  I had been dealing with some major back pain and muscle spasms all week.  No idea where that came from but it made it extremely difficult to sit in a chair in formal meetings to take notes.  Or to pay attention and try to make it seem like I actually knew what I was talking about.  I've become friends with my hot water bottle again.  Unless something strange happens tonight I'll be heading back to work tomorrow.

My sister has now told my niece there is a baby on the way.  I love kids for so many reasons.  Their priorities are different from ours.  My niece was excited to tell my dad the first morning she saw him after the announcement and after that the most mundane things were far more interesting.  Her new books were far more important apparently.  LOL

I've signed all the necessary forms at OFC.  I had to sign one last piece, an updated consent re: donor sperm.  This one threw me for a loop as I read anything I sign with my legal eyes.  The form has a spot for the sperm donor to allow for the partner/spouse to use the sperm to conceive even after death.  I couldn't sign that, quite obviously, because I'm not the guy providing sperm.  My RE's medical secretary has no idea why they make those of us doing donor IUI sign this but it is required.  That one made me scratch my head and laugh at the same time.

My 3 vials were to be shipped this past Monday.  I haven't heard anything from OFC so I'm hoping everything is there and in order.  I should be receiving a call from the nurses soon to explain the procedure once we hit January. 

While away this week I was able to spend some time with the family.  I went out for lunch with my mom and niece.  My niece was enjoying her fries so was oblivious to the conversation.  My mom said that maybe this time next year there would be 3 little ones around.  I said 'not too likely'.  I don't want to get all excited only to get let down with multiple negative pregnancy tests.  I'm focusing on being more realistic hoping that I get good news at some point next year.  Ha!  With my luck March would be my month.  Why?  Because that would mean a Christmas baby and, even worse, the chance of a baby sharing a birth date with me and my mom.  Yep, mom and I have the same birth date.  And her dad's was 3 days before ours.  Being a December baby was hard enough, not being a twin and having to share your birthday is worse.  What is a kid supposed to do?  Not cool!  It may seem a bit selfish but honestly it is really weird not being able to have the day to yourself and always having to celebrate someone else on the same day.  I really don't want that for my child.  In the end, though, if I were to have a birthday baby I'd just be grateful to have a child ... but I'm hoping my child would be born on one of the other 364 days of the year.  Yep, 364 other possibilities.  ;-)

Losing my Balance

Well, today was entertaining to say the least.  I had a hard time keeping my balance thanks to a cold.

I managed to pick up this cold while on the road last week.  I thought it was just allergies all weekend but woke up on Monday morning with a definite cold.  Not the worst one I've ever had, more annoying than anything else.  I took some cold medication last night hoping that I could get some sleep.  That plan didn't pan out.  I kept waking up and think I got just enough sleep to get an accurate temperature reading on waking.  And since I was on my left side most of the night that is where the cold settled.

I got up to our floor at work this morning and bumped into the wall, ran into a filing cabinet and spent the rest of the day trying not to veer off to the left.  It provided me and some of my coworkers with a good laugh, at least.

And wouldn't you know it, I'm CD 10 today.  I can tell my body is gearing up to ovulate.  My left ovary seems to have made an appearance this month.  And the right one is piping up as well.  I had a cold or a mild influenza back in September, also caught on the road, and it delayed my ovulation by 3 days.  While I don't enjoy being sick I'm trying to look at this positively in 2 ways:  (1) this isn't going to interfere with treatment since I don't start until January, and (2) I'm getting to see what being sick in the pre-ovulatory phase does to my body, cycle, and ovulation pattern.

I'm just looking forward to this cold going away so I can get a better night's sleep and walk without fearing that I'm going to list like a ship.

2-for-1 Post

In order to prevent any new reader who stumbles across my blog from thinking I'm a raving, bitter lunatic I thought I should post something new and more positive.  Today we have a 2-for-1 post.

Donor Sperm Ordered

After careful consideration of all the, er ... options, I made my choice on the weekend.  I knew immediately upon reading the donor's profile that he'd be the one but I read through quite a few others to make sure I had a couple backups.  I placed my order by e-mail on the weekend and got confirmation today.  The vials will ship on November 22nd direct to the clinic.  At $700 a pop (yes, you read that right) I only ordered 3.  Yeesh, I need to earn more overtime to pay for the next round.

I'll post on how I went about choosing the donor at another time.  I haven't come across a lot of blog postings about this but those few I did I found informative.  What I can share with you is that the donor has brown hair, hazel/green eyes, is 6'0"  and has a mixed English/Dutch background.  Chances are my child will inherit my brown eyes anyway.  And the background is close to my family's which is German.  My goal was to have the donor blend as much as possible with us.  He has one sister and a good medical history.  I specifically excluded donors with a history of diabetes (because of my PCOS) and a lot of cancers, particularly ovarian, endometrial, and breast cancer since we have absolutely no history of that in our family.  He's also smart and ambitious, which seems to run in the family.  And most importantly he's an Open ID donor.

I Told My Boss

Well, okay not the real bosses, i.e. the Minister or the Prime Minister.  lol  Nope, I told the brand new supervisor for our team.  I was really hoping to not have to tell anyone at work and was even getting pretty crafty with planning my travel.  I have the perfect plan to do my required 1 week of travel a month during the 2 week wait to distract my brain.  But pressure is coming from on high to add to our workload and I can't commit to any more than that 1 week a month.  And seeing as how I've been a go-to traveler for the past 21 months someone was going to wonder what the heck was going on.  Not to mention my frequent absences from the office for appointments and tests at the clinic.

So I took advantage of our supervisor's request for our availability for extra travel starting in January as the opening.  I became very nervous and I think my heart started pounding a little too fast.  Yes, I did remember to take my thyroid meds last night.  Everything is fine.  My supervisor has a friend who had to go through fertility treatments to have her daughter so she's understanding of the fact that this can be a very involved process.  I'm starting out with unmedicated IUIs so I have lots of leeway in terms of changing things up and adding meds.  But I told her that I'm glad to go unmedicated for now so that at least for a few more months I don't have to deal with fertility drug induced hormones.  Pretty important in my job seeing as how I deal with historic child abuse cases.

She's fine with my 1 week a month of travel as that meets my job requirements and she'll always ask me if there is anything else I am able to pick up.  If not, no problem.  I'll keep her updated on my schedule as the weeks I predicted being available January through March are already a little off thanks to what seems to be a 26-day cycle.

I can officially classify today as a good one.

My Sister is Pregnant, Again, and Guess Who Told Me?

I had intended my next post to be a positive one.  No venting.  Nothing.  But intervening events have turned this into a vent.

I'm out of town on business and that business took me home.  Today was Remembrance Day so I had the day off.  I had planned on going to the craft show to visit my favourite painter and pick up a few small pieces.  I invited my sister and niece to come along.  While over at their place my niece starts talking about the upstairs attic being for the baby.  I asked my sister if my niece was telling the truth or if this was pretend.  My niece has a crazy imagination so I always have to verify what she says.  My sister outright lied to my face.  She said that ever since my 4-year old niece found out one of her classmate's mom's was expecting she's been going around saying that my sister is pregnant.  She told her teachers, one of whom is a mutual friend and my sister told them all that it wasn't true.  All I felt at that point was relief.

Fast forward to the show when we meet up with the painter, his wife and their daughters, former neighbours of ours.  The neighbours congratulate my sister.  My parents told them on the weekend.  My sister has to tell them that no one knows and that my niece definitely doesn't know because it is too early and they don't want to have to explain things if this pregnancy doesn't stick.  What?  Um, didn't you just tell me not a half hour ago that your daughter was just making up all this baby stuff?  And I had to find out from our former neighbours?  How classy and mature of you.

It isn't the pregnancy that is the issue, it is the fact that she told others and she lied to me, straight to my face.  And it isn't the first time she has done this.  With her first pregnancy she couldn't be bothered to tell me.  Nope.  My mom did.  I think the only reason my sister eventually phoned me was because Christmas was just 3 weeks away and she felt she 'had to' tell me before I came home for the holidays.

I asked my mom what was going on, by phone as she was out of town.  Her response was "Oh, I thought this might happen."  Um, what exactly?  My sister not wanting anyone to know but telling you and then you telling people who then told me?  My sister not having the guts to tell me?  Basically my mom went on to say that she should have said something and would have if she had been home.  But that isn't your job!  You shouldn't be stepping in and essentially doing my sister's job for her.  I shouldn't expect anything else as my parents have long assisted my sister avoid anything unpleasant in her life.  How horrible it would be for her to act like an adult.  I told my mom that it was incredibly rude and disrepectful of my sister to do this, especially lying, because she knows the fertility issues I face.  Oh, then my mom changed the subject because she didn't want to deal with it.  *sigh*

If my 4 year old niece had known and let it slip I would have let it slide.  My niece really wants to be a big sister and she is totally incapable of keeping any type of secret.  She blew her grandpa's Christmas surprise last year by arriving and wishing him Merry Christmas followed by "I have a telecscope for you". 

At work I jokingly refer to myself as the one who is last to know anything.  So true.  No one at work should come to me looking for updates or gossip becuase I truly don't know.  Apparently the same goes in my family.

I'm very angry at my family but in a twisted way this relieves some pressure that I've felt with my treatments starting in January.  I won't be fearing my sister's inevitable pregnancy announcement after my inevitable failed fertility treatment.  And I won't have to fear telling my sister I'm pregnant and her going all wacko on me and getting pregnant to fill some void inside ... because that's what she did last time. 

And I feel incredibly bad for that mutual friend I mentioned at the beginning.  She has suffered multiple miscarriages, unable to carry to term in the many years she's been married.  My sister didn't tell her the truth either. 

I'm going to be the bigger person, as I always am.  At Christmas I'll tell my sister my plans and let her know that I don't want her finding out from anyone else.  I want to give them time to find an age appropriate explanation for my niece as to how I could have a baby.  And in the event that something goes wrong with my sister's pregnancy I don't want to spring my happy news on her while she is in a bad place.  I don't want to do that to her.  I'll treat her the way I wish I had been treated.

Okay, vent over.