Goodbye Jack

Today was the state funeral for Ja.ck Lay.ton.  Of course, I spent 2 1/2 hours on and off in tears but I have to say that the funeral was one of the best I've ever seen.  Truly a celebration of life ... as he wanted it to be.  There were tears, of course, but lots of laughter.  And the whole thing ended on a very high note when Lorr.aine Sega.to sang Rise Up bringing everyone in the hall to their feet, clapping along.  Now that was nice to see.  And through it all, his wife and family managed to maintain a composure that has earned them the greatest of respect.  Absolutely amazing.

I had the privilege of seeing him off on The Hi.ll on Thursday.  I work only a block away and wouldn't have missed it for the world.  Yes, I have to make up some time at work but how could I not be there?  My dad met and worked with him way back in their municipal politics days, Jack representing the city of Toronto and my dad the mayor of our home town of 5000.  My dad knew there was something different about him.  Jack never forgot my dad and as he transitioned to federal politics he approached my dad to run ... more than once.  It wasn't the right thing for my dad but eventually my dad found his way to the provincial secretaryship of the ND.P in Saskatchewan.  That meant regular meetings of the wider party and that meant working with Jack.  I felt it was important for me to be there Thursday since no one else from my family could be.  And I'm glad I was. 

Leaving Parliament one last time

The day started out looking to be a miserable one.  It was cool and grey and it looked like it would rain later in the day.  Then by noon the clouds had been pushed out to be replaced by a nearly cloudless bright blue sky.  The ceremony was sombre and dignified but uplifting at the same time.  The second song played on the carillon in the Peace Tower was Jo.hn Lenn.on's 'Imagine'.  The last song played was one Lay.ton's own great-grandfather composed.  The crowd of ~2500 was quiet until they started to drive and then it broke into applause. 

Now that the week of mourning is over for the public we are left with his accomplishments, those things he had yet to change, and his final letter to Canadians.  These are the final two paragraphs he left with us:

And finally, to all Canadians: Canada is a great country, one of the hopes of the world. We can be a better one – a country of greater equality, justice, and opportunity. We can build a prosperous economy and a society that shares its benefits more fairly. We can look after our seniors. We can offer better futures for our children. We can do our part to save the world’s environment. We can restore our good name in the world. We can do all of these things because we finally have a party system at the national level where there are real choices; where your vote matters; where working for change can actually bring about change. In the months and years to come, New Democrats will put a compelling new alternative to you. My colleagues in our party are an impressive, committed team. Give them a careful hearing; consider the alternatives; and consider that we can be a better, fairer, more equal country by working together. Don’t let them tell you it can’t be done.

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

It is now up to each and every one of us to determine what kind of country, what kind of world we want to live in and create for our children, our grandchildren.  It is now our turn to step up and do our part.  We can make a difference, each and every one of us.  I know it because I've seen it.

Thank you Jack.  Merci Jack.

The flag at half mast atop the Peace Tower

Level 2 U/S Results

Back to our regularly scheduled programming ...

I think I was a bit worried about the u/s today because I totally missed the ear.thquake.  Either that or the area I was in just wasn't affected even though it was noticeable in the city.  I left Virg.inia on Sunday and am happy to report that my friends are fine.  But you didn't come here to read that, did you?

This u/s was far more in depth and I had the same tech I did 2 u/s ago.  He was great about explaining everything and exactly what was on screen which was really nice.  He clearly pointed out a 4-chamber heart so I knew that part of the scan was fine.  When he was done his bit I got to go to the bathroom (and wipe masses of extra gel off the belly - this guy is crazy with the gel!) and then the radiologist came in to peek at the heart.

The echogenic focus is still there but the good news is that seems to be the only issue.  The IPS screening came back negative and all the measurements are normal and all match timeline wise.  There is nothing to indicate limbs that are behind schedule, which can be a marker for Down's.  The radiologist says that the heart is normal, which I had expected, and that this doesn't need further monitoring as it will resolve on its own.  Okay then ... I was hoping to get one more u/s to check on its resolution but if this means there is no problem then I'm okay with that. 

The baby wasn't completely cooperative this time either but thankfully baby was more active.  At one point the tech was moving the probe over my belly and just at that time we got a look from below right when baby decided to spread the legs.  It is most definitely a boy and he showed off the boy bits ... and probably not for the last time.  LOL  The tech went over that a couple times just to make sure he saw what he did especially since baby seems so stubborn.  He said that if he hadn't seen that he would have guessed girl.  So, I'm relieved to know the first tech was right and that there is absolutely no doubt this is a boy.  The issue is settled and I'm good to shop now.  ;-)  The stuff I bought down south is more gender neutral that a lot of other people would pick but it is nice to know I don't have to give any of it away to my nephew. 

For now I'll sit tight until my next OB appointment on the 12th.  If there had been a major problem I'm sure the radiologist would have said something.  Instead he said I don't need further monitoring.  And since I'm not doing any more testing between now and the next appointment I shouldn't have any surprises waiting for me when I see him next.  Yay!

A Very Sad Day

No, this isn't about me.  I'm fine and I'm heading to my level 2 u/s tomorrow afternoon so no updates on that yet.

Nope, this is about the absolute, sheer waste and loss that cancer creates.  I've been in tears off and on all day today over the loss of J.ack La.yton, the leader of Canada's opposition.  After years of struggling, working hard every day in the trenches, fighting for everyday people, finally to become leader of the opposition (a huge feat for the N.DP as it was the first time they reached that goal) in May 2011, he was snatched from us by cancer ... at 61. He spent just 3 short months as the leader of the opposition unable to truly enjoy the fruits of his labour. 

He was a man of principle who never backed down from a fight even when it looked like it was a losing battle.  He was always optimistic but also a serious pragmatist.  While he certainly wanted to win over voters he never shied away from a principled position even if it made him deeply unpopular.  He was a great debater but never maligned anyone in his rise to the top.  He talked to everyone and ignored no one.  He inspired people of all ages but most importantly young people who had turned away from voting and the traditional political process.  He truly believed that Canada is great and that we could make it even better, so much so that 2 days before he died he wrote a letter to Canadians which is truly inspiring ... he thought of others right until the end.

Our country is in mourning, a truly deep and heartfelt feeling of loss has gripped this country.  RIP Jack, you made this country a better place for everyone.  You will be greatly missed.  Those of us who remain will continue the fight with renewed vigour.

And my last words on this post, which I think are entirely appropriate ...

"Courage, my friends, 'tis not too late to build a better world."  ~ Tommy Douglas

I Need a Level 2 u/s

My 100th post and I never thought I'd be writing about this. 

I got home from my business trip at 12:30 last night and had a message waiting from the OB.  I've been scheduled for a level 2 u/s on Tuesday afternoon because they saw an echogenic focus in the heart on the u/s last Friday.  The OB said this is very common.  My research said this shows up in 3-5% of pregnancies and with some ethnic groups as high as 30%.  But he said it is a soft marker for Down's.  Cue the panic and tears.  He said he isn't really worried because my IPS screening results were so good.  From my research it looks like 1% of these = Down's which is really, really low.  The risk jumps with bad screening results but I didn't have that.  The risk jumps if they find something else on the u/s.  The OB didn't mention anything else in the message but I think they'll be looking really in depth at the u/s next week.  I'm just praying they don't find any other indicators.  The risk also jumps if you are AMA, and I'm 37.  The risk doubles. 

There are no worries about an actual heart defect as this is a calcification and for some reason that seems to happen.  It generally resolves in the 3rd trimester and if not then certainly after birth.  So I'm not worried about that.  I'm really worried that this is an indicator for Down's.  IPS screening catches 90% of Down's cases.  And this indicator + my age = a 2% risk.  Yes, I know that is still really low but someone has to fall into that 2%.  No one wants to be that 2%.

I thought I was out of the clear but now I feel horrible. 

I'm going to try to focus on the small risk factor so I can enjoy my weekend away but it is going to be really, really hard. 

Holy kick, batman!

I just felt the first kick from the outside.  Cool!  Either that or it was a serious bubble of gas in entirely the wrong spot in my abdomen and that wouldn't be such a good thing.  ;-)

Passed the IPS Screening

I saw the OB today and got great news:  I passed the IPS screening and do NOT have to go for amnio.  I am so relieved.  I understand that IPS does not catch everything as it looks at risk for very specific issues.  There is always a possibility that something was missed and I have a false negative.  But I'm going to consider myself as falling into the true negative category and be happy and content with that. 

Baby was fine today.  A little quiet all day but the heart was fine.  The OB had no trouble finding it at all today.  The h/b was at 151 today so pretty consistent with Friday and about 5 weeks ago when I saw the NP.  I go back in 4 weeks and at that point will get a requisition for thyroid testing and the glucose tolerance test.  Yuck!  I always get sick when I have to do a 2 hour GTT so I'm not looking forward to having to take a day off just for this test, again. 

In the off chance that the tech wasn't able to get the measurements she needed at Friday's scan I will get a call in a couple weeks to go back for another try.  I won't mind getting another peek but I'm still convinced I've got a bit of a stinker in here and I'll still need a specific gender determination scan.  I'm still seriously considering it, though.  The worst I can do is make an appointment and cancel it because I have another diagnostic before that. 

Other than that, nothing new.  I'm feeling more activity overall and it mostly feels like popping bubbles or popping corn in the popper.  Best way I can describe it.  Baby was pretty quiet today, as I mentioned above, but there were a few movements I could feel. 

I'm off to deal with the garbage and pack for an overnight business trip.  My flights back had better get me home because I'm set to head out on another flight Thursday for a girls' long weekend trip in the States.  Fingers crossed I don't run into any problems or I'll be really, really angry. 

Gender Abmiguity

Okay, I'm now officially paranoid that the scan on Friday wasn't accurate.  Without a completely cooperative baby I am worried the tech might have been wrong. 

I walked out of the appointment thinking it was a boy and was settled on it being a boy yesterday.  And now I'm worried it isn't a boy.  I am great, happy with a boy and don't want this to be a girl now that I've got my mind set on a boy.  My niece would have other ideas.  lol 

So, I think I'm going to go for an elective u/s.  I am sure my OB will not order another one at my appointment tomorrow just for a gender peek.  And thanks to a helpful poster at FF I now know that there are clinics that do elective gender scans and u/s in Canada.  Who knew that was even legal up here?  I didn't.  She told me to search for 'non-diagn.ostic ultr.asound'.  I found 2 places in the city: 1 way out in the east end and 1 not a far drive from my place.

The other option is to book a scan in the US when I'm there this weekend.  I could get one done on Saturday morning which offers pretty much everything the Canadian ones would.  Except the cost is $100 and the Canadian ones range from $169 - $200+.  For the same darned thing!  Grrrr!  The benefit of getting it done at home is that if the baby isn't cooperative, yet again, they'll have me come back for the gender determination for free.  The US clinic offers it too but because I'm there for such a short time I wouldn't be able to go back a second time. 

I'm going to call the place nearer my house tomorrow after my OB appointment and see what their availability is.  If I can get in over the next couple of weeks I might just do that.  Bite the bullet cost wise, anyway.  And I'll see if I can book it during baby's busy period which seems to be between 11 am and 2 pm.  That is certainly when I feel more 'kicks' and popping in my belly. 

The worst that can happen is that I'll have spent some money only to get the same answer as I was given Friday.  But if we get a better look it will be worth the peace of mind ... I think. ;-)