Nothing much going on here. I think I figured out the mystery of the stomach cramps ... iron supplements. I didn't take my pill yesterday or today because I couldn't be bothered to get up early (6 am is early enough). I had a bit of stomach cramping at lunch today too and that's when I clued in. I'm going to avoid them for a few days as recommended and then try a different type, a slow release or a liquid form.
My temp didn't drop like I had expected but it didn't really go up like I'd hoped, either. It went up a 10th of a degree, so it basically flatlined. I guess that is better than a plummeting temp but it would have been a better sign had it jumped again. I don't understand how I can be on progesterone and still have such crazy temps. That makes no sense to me. I've also been having crazy cramping below my belly button today. I'm pretty sure that it isn't related to implantation or pregnancy, though. More likely intestinal like gas or something I'm sure. :-( My breasts are no longer sore and they definitely don't feel full, nothing like last month so I'm taking that as a sign this cycle will be over shortly.
I can't believe the clinic didn't give me a weekend date for a beta. I get that they want to cut the work load for the weekend workers but I think it is silly to make someone wait until 17dpo for a beta especially when you are on progesterone.
I still plan on testing on Saturday as that is 15dpo and AF should normally show up that day. My decision to not test this morning was actually a good one. I saved a test (those things are ridiculously expensive) and I didn't have pre-test anxiety. I didn't obsess about it last night, didn't have any difficulty sleeping and I didn't have any negative test results to deal with today. So I call that one a WIN. ;-)
On a happier non-ttcing note my central vac system is in and I just need to arrange for an install. Then I can get busy and super vacuum my carpets.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I'm Not Wasting a Test Tomorrow
Change in plans. I will not be testing until Saturday ... if I even get that far.
I woke up this morning to another temp drop. My temps are quickly trending downward toward my cover line. And I woke up with a raging headache, the kind of headache that signals to me that AF is right around the corner. It is almost always, i.e. 99% accurate. And nothing helps it and it's made worse by the fact that I can smell EVERYTHING. I just have to suffer through it and hope it goes away after 24 hours, and if not 48. I know my body. This cycle is over.
And of course, today would be the day that stomach cramps show up for the first time in years. Happened some time in the late afternoon and they were seriously painful until about 15 minutes ago. It has to be something that I ate but I don't know what caused it.
All I can say is that I'm really disappointed this month. After a m/c this cycle looked so good, complete with what seemed to be an implantation dip. Based on 3 cycles of information and physical symptoms I'm absolutely convinced that sperm is meeting egg and I'm even getting implantation but nothing is sticking. I don't know whether I'm the problem, the donor is or we both are. I've only got 2 more vials of this donor left. I did another cruise through the donor listings tonight and I still don't see anything I'm interested in. In fact, the number of Xy.tex listings for Canada just keeps dropping.
I just want to be pregnant. And I want to be pregnant before June so I, at the very least, have something positive to focus on when my nephew is born. I do not need yet another reminder from my younger sister about her abundant fertility and my lack of it. And I'm tired of being used by my sister so she can feel better about herself, to soothe her inferiority complex. Hey, look at me. I can have kids, I can have biological kids, I can produce grandchildren. Who cares what you've done with your life? As long as I have kids and you don't I feel okay. Ugh! When did my sister lose her mind?
If only I could just hide out in the house for the next week.
I woke up this morning to another temp drop. My temps are quickly trending downward toward my cover line. And I woke up with a raging headache, the kind of headache that signals to me that AF is right around the corner. It is almost always, i.e. 99% accurate. And nothing helps it and it's made worse by the fact that I can smell EVERYTHING. I just have to suffer through it and hope it goes away after 24 hours, and if not 48. I know my body. This cycle is over.
And of course, today would be the day that stomach cramps show up for the first time in years. Happened some time in the late afternoon and they were seriously painful until about 15 minutes ago. It has to be something that I ate but I don't know what caused it.
All I can say is that I'm really disappointed this month. After a m/c this cycle looked so good, complete with what seemed to be an implantation dip. Based on 3 cycles of information and physical symptoms I'm absolutely convinced that sperm is meeting egg and I'm even getting implantation but nothing is sticking. I don't know whether I'm the problem, the donor is or we both are. I've only got 2 more vials of this donor left. I did another cruise through the donor listings tonight and I still don't see anything I'm interested in. In fact, the number of Xy.tex listings for Canada just keeps dropping.
I just want to be pregnant. And I want to be pregnant before June so I, at the very least, have something positive to focus on when my nephew is born. I do not need yet another reminder from my younger sister about her abundant fertility and my lack of it. And I'm tired of being used by my sister so she can feel better about herself, to soothe her inferiority complex. Hey, look at me. I can have kids, I can have biological kids, I can produce grandchildren. Who cares what you've done with your life? As long as I have kids and you don't I feel okay. Ugh! When did my sister lose her mind?
If only I could just hide out in the house for the next week.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
To Make Matters More Confusing ...
I got home late tonight, around 7 pm. I had to stop at the grocery store and decided to get the car washed as it appeared a flock of Canada geese dropped a load on it while flying overhead. I was picking up my mail.
While at the car wash I felt a really sharp pain in my lower abdomen. Thought nothing of it today since what I've been feeling is very pre-AF crampy, not successful IUI crampy. I get home, go to the bathroom and what do I find? Spotting. What? Why now? I haven't had any since but I'm very crampy.
This is just way too confusing.
While at the car wash I felt a really sharp pain in my lower abdomen. Thought nothing of it today since what I've been feeling is very pre-AF crampy, not successful IUI crampy. I get home, go to the bathroom and what do I find? Spotting. What? Why now? I haven't had any since but I'm very crampy.
This is just way too confusing.
12dpIUI, 11dpo and a BFN
Yep, nothing but a stark white FRER. *sigh* I don't know if this means I'm completely out this month, i.e. that temp drop 8dpo was nothing but a random occurrence, or if there is something going on in there that just doesn't show up on a test yet. Maybe the progesterone is playing with my mind and body this month.
I just look at where this is headed and I just don't want to go there:
I need to distract myself by getting to work. Had my 1-year home inspection this morning and it was nice not to get out of bed at 6 am but sitting here by myself I can tell I need a distraction.
I'll probably test again in a couple days, then definitely on Saturday at 15dpo. If I get another negative on Saturday I'll just stop the progesterone instead of waiting for a beta on Monday. If it is going to be positive it is going to have to show up by Saturday. But we all know how well a BFP on 15dpo worked for me last month.
I just look at where this is headed and I just don't want to go there:
- I've got 2 more tries with my donor then I need to find someone else. I don't want anyone else. I really like this donor. But maybe he is a dud. Maybe I have crappy eggs. I don't know.
- Clomid is looming in the future. I'm going to have to add it after 2-3 more tries unmedicated. I've heard awful things about side effects. I don't want to go there either.
- If this cycle doesn't work, I'll definitely not have a baby before I turn 38. That makes me sad. It also means that I'm unlikely to have 2 biological children unless my ovaries perform some miracle and I end up with twins or they behave like a 30-year old's ovaries when I'm 40.
I need to distract myself by getting to work. Had my 1-year home inspection this morning and it was nice not to get out of bed at 6 am but sitting here by myself I can tell I need a distraction.
I'll probably test again in a couple days, then definitely on Saturday at 15dpo. If I get another negative on Saturday I'll just stop the progesterone instead of waiting for a beta on Monday. If it is going to be positive it is going to have to show up by Saturday. But we all know how well a BFP on 15dpo worked for me last month.
Monday, March 28, 2011
11dpIUI, 10dpo and I'm Getting Nervous
Why am I so nervous? Take a look at my March 2011 Chart, the one at the top of the page. See that lovely temp drop on 8dpo and the temp jump this morning, at 10dpo? That looks suspiciously like an implantation dip to me, including the requisite temp drop below the cover line. I've also had the corresponding intermittent uterine cramping through the day. And today? My nipples started tingling/itching like they did last month during my m/c cycle. I even put lotion on them this morning to make sure they didn't itch from being dry.
I know I'm not going to make it through tomorrow morning without testing. If that is a real implantation dip a HPT should show something tomorrow, 3 days later. I'm really, really nervous. If I don't test I can live with the fantasy of being pregnant even if I'm not. If I test and I get a BFN it isn't over yet but it won't be looking good with a chart like that. And if I test and get a BFP? That would be the best result of all.
I know I'm not going to make it through tomorrow morning without testing. If that is a real implantation dip a HPT should show something tomorrow, 3 days later. I'm really, really nervous. If I don't test I can live with the fantasy of being pregnant even if I'm not. If I test and I get a BFN it isn't over yet but it won't be looking good with a chart like that. And if I test and get a BFP? That would be the best result of all.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
10dpIUI, 9dpo
Nothing new to report on the IUI front except that I had a really nice temp drop below cover line yesterday morning. Crossing my fingers this is an implantation dip. I had a corresponding drop both orally and vaginally. Today I had a temp rise although the vaginal temp didn't rise as much as the oral one did.
The other thing I've noticed is odd abdominal pains between my belly button and my pubic bone. It doesn't feel like ovarian or O-pain and it doesn't feel like what I was sure was implantation cramping last month. It feels a little different than the pain I had last month but is still sharp and short-lived when I do feel it. And it just doesn't feel deep enough to be uterine, either. Very weird. Could be anything but I'm sure it isn't muscle strain. I haven't done anything to strain my stomach muscles! LOL
My appointment with the specialist went well on Friday. I met a nice resident Dr. D. who didn't treat me like an idiot. Well, not all of my specialists have done that. I had a very nice one a few years ago who was retraining in Canada and said he couldn't understand why Canadian doctors seemed so reluctant to prescribe metformin for PCOS patients when it was fairly standard where he was from. Dr. D. was the one who suggested that they prescribe me 2000 mg of metformin from now on instead of 1500 mg. I told her that since going off Cyclen to ttc that I had been feeling hungry a lot faster, nothing intolerable but definitely annoying when you are used to not feeling hungry. I thought for sure that my specialist was going to say no way. Boy, was I surprised when she agreed! My 2 hour insulin levels aren't sky high like they used to be but they think this will help with insulin control and might give my body the extra help it needs ttc-wise as well. They told me to take 1000 mg at breakfast and 1000 mg at supper but I know that isn't going to work for me. I need to take it with meals. So, I'm splitting the extra 500 mg pill and will take half at breakfast and half at supper.
The clinic has gone electronic so I didn't get a paper copy of my test results. Boo! But Dr. D. said that everything looks really good, unlike many patients she sees. My BP was 118/70. The 118 is a little high for me but not bad. Dr. D. said my good cholesterol is higher than normal so she isn't worried about my slightly higher than normal bad cholesterol levels. She said they aim to have their patient's bad cholesterol under 2 and mine is 1.98. My weight is up 13 pounds from 1 year ago but I'm sure that 3 pounds of that can be attributed to the progesterone bloat, air travel and lack of sleep last week pre-appointment, and some salty sunflower seeds I ate the 2 days before my appointment. The other 10 I can definitely work on getting rid of once this blasted Arctic air and bitter north wind leaves.
They're not concerned about my test results at all. I'm essentially my specialist's poster child for living with PCOS. Haha! They do want to run a few tests on the hormones that aren't being monitored every month while ttcing: DHEA, SHBG, testosterone and TSH. But in the confusion over the end of the appointment and the fact they started discussing another patient while Dr. D. was writing my prescription they forgot to give me a requisition form for blood work. I couldn't find anyone after the appointment on Friday as they were either all with patients or leaving as it was towards the end of the day.
I told them I had an early loss last month and Dr. J., my specialist, told me that is probably a good thing because it indicates I can get pregnant. I told her I'm trying to think of it that way and that we just need to find the right month. Of course, she used this as a teaching moment and she asked me all kinds of questions about what happened and explained the likely scenario to Dr. D. Ugh! But good news is that Dr. J. thinks Dr. V., my RE, is great. She did a tour through her clinic and also did fellowships so I feel confident that she knows what she is doing and isn't just the new doctor in the clinic all the seemingly uncomplicated patients get sent to first.
On the iron front, I started supplements Saturday morning. Temp at 5:50, go to the bathroom, head downstairs to take the supplement with a little orange juice then head back upstairs to finish the glass before jumping back to bed. I'm not sure if it is coincidental but I feel better today. And no stomach trouble yet. Crossing my fingers things will continue to go this way tomorrow when I have to eat about an hour after taking the iron. And hopefully this is just related to the m/c at the beginning of March and things will go back to normal soon and I can get off these things.
- Cover line this month (vaginal temps) = 98
- Temp yesterday: vaginal = 97.9, oral = 97
- Temp today: vaginal = 98.2, oral = 97.6
The other thing I've noticed is odd abdominal pains between my belly button and my pubic bone. It doesn't feel like ovarian or O-pain and it doesn't feel like what I was sure was implantation cramping last month. It feels a little different than the pain I had last month but is still sharp and short-lived when I do feel it. And it just doesn't feel deep enough to be uterine, either. Very weird. Could be anything but I'm sure it isn't muscle strain. I haven't done anything to strain my stomach muscles! LOL
My appointment with the specialist went well on Friday. I met a nice resident Dr. D. who didn't treat me like an idiot. Well, not all of my specialists have done that. I had a very nice one a few years ago who was retraining in Canada and said he couldn't understand why Canadian doctors seemed so reluctant to prescribe metformin for PCOS patients when it was fairly standard where he was from. Dr. D. was the one who suggested that they prescribe me 2000 mg of metformin from now on instead of 1500 mg. I told her that since going off Cyclen to ttc that I had been feeling hungry a lot faster, nothing intolerable but definitely annoying when you are used to not feeling hungry. I thought for sure that my specialist was going to say no way. Boy, was I surprised when she agreed! My 2 hour insulin levels aren't sky high like they used to be but they think this will help with insulin control and might give my body the extra help it needs ttc-wise as well. They told me to take 1000 mg at breakfast and 1000 mg at supper but I know that isn't going to work for me. I need to take it with meals. So, I'm splitting the extra 500 mg pill and will take half at breakfast and half at supper.
The clinic has gone electronic so I didn't get a paper copy of my test results. Boo! But Dr. D. said that everything looks really good, unlike many patients she sees. My BP was 118/70. The 118 is a little high for me but not bad. Dr. D. said my good cholesterol is higher than normal so she isn't worried about my slightly higher than normal bad cholesterol levels. She said they aim to have their patient's bad cholesterol under 2 and mine is 1.98. My weight is up 13 pounds from 1 year ago but I'm sure that 3 pounds of that can be attributed to the progesterone bloat, air travel and lack of sleep last week pre-appointment, and some salty sunflower seeds I ate the 2 days before my appointment. The other 10 I can definitely work on getting rid of once this blasted Arctic air and bitter north wind leaves.
They're not concerned about my test results at all. I'm essentially my specialist's poster child for living with PCOS. Haha! They do want to run a few tests on the hormones that aren't being monitored every month while ttcing: DHEA, SHBG, testosterone and TSH. But in the confusion over the end of the appointment and the fact they started discussing another patient while Dr. D. was writing my prescription they forgot to give me a requisition form for blood work. I couldn't find anyone after the appointment on Friday as they were either all with patients or leaving as it was towards the end of the day.
I told them I had an early loss last month and Dr. J., my specialist, told me that is probably a good thing because it indicates I can get pregnant. I told her I'm trying to think of it that way and that we just need to find the right month. Of course, she used this as a teaching moment and she asked me all kinds of questions about what happened and explained the likely scenario to Dr. D. Ugh! But good news is that Dr. J. thinks Dr. V., my RE, is great. She did a tour through her clinic and also did fellowships so I feel confident that she knows what she is doing and isn't just the new doctor in the clinic all the seemingly uncomplicated patients get sent to first.
On the iron front, I started supplements Saturday morning. Temp at 5:50, go to the bathroom, head downstairs to take the supplement with a little orange juice then head back upstairs to finish the glass before jumping back to bed. I'm not sure if it is coincidental but I feel better today. And no stomach trouble yet. Crossing my fingers things will continue to go this way tomorrow when I have to eat about an hour after taking the iron. And hopefully this is just related to the m/c at the beginning of March and things will go back to normal soon and I can get off these things.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
7dpIUI
Nothing new to report today except more crampiness and breast pain. My temp jumped up again today to 98.5 and I'm pleased with that. I kept the window closed last night so maybe that helped. I went to bed earlier last night but still struggled to get out of bed today and felt more tired this morning than yesterday. Lack of adrenaline today, I guess.
I did get a call from my nurse practitioner about my blood work. How cool that she calls me and I don't have to go in to enable a doctor to charge for my visit? Okay, at my new clinic the doctors are on salary so they don't get paid per visit but my old GP in the city was a per visit doc. Annoyed me to no end that she required me to come in far too often for prescription refills. Anyway, test results are normal except for my iron! My result was 21 and they want to see a minimum of 30. So, now I get to hunt for iron supplements tomorrow. She told me to take them on an empty stomach, not with food, but I should take them with a glass of orange juice because the vitamin C helps with iron absorption. I never drink juice but this will allow me to rack up some Air Mi.les since they seem to offer bonus miles fairly frequently on orange juice. Ha! Always looking for the positive in some crazy new medical diagnosis. I didn't think this would be a problem for me. Sure, I've cut back on my red meat consumption and eat a heck of a lot more chicken and turkey but I didn't think my levels would be too low. I was worried about my vitamin D!
My TSH is within normal levels (1.69) and my free T4 is 13.4 which she also said was normal. I am a little concerned about the TSH, though, as there has been a steady upward trend since September. I've gone from 0.66 in September, to 0.93 in December to 1.69 at the beginning of March. Combine that with my fatigue (possibly iron related too), increasing joint pain, and my constant feeling of cold in the past few months I think that I'm going to need to increase my Synt.hroid dosage soon. I told my NP that it is highly unusual for my levels to change like that when she said that levels fluctuate depending on the time of the day blood is drawn. She said to come in for further blood work about 2 weeks before my prescription runs out. I'm going to push for a bump in my meds because I feel far better when my TSH is below 1.0.
I am taking the day off tomorrow. I have my annual appointment with my specialist (PCOS) in the afternoon. I had planned on going to work in the morning but I discovered a plumbing issue this morning and the builder is going to come by to see what the problem is. I'm still within the 1 year warranty period so they have to deal with it. I switched showers on the weekend after finally getting the grout in the ensuite sealed. I used it 3 times with no problem. In fact, it had better water pressure than the shower in the main bath. This morning I turned on the shower and hardly any water came out! I had to switch everything back to the main bath quickly so I could get ready in a normal amount of time. Totally did that! Checked the walls and ceiling on the main floor and basement for water leaks before going to work. None discovered. But since this is a plumbing issue and I have no idea where the problem is I want this dealt with ASAP. Still no water flow when I got home from work. :-( But the builder rep will be over in the am and we'll take it from there. So, I'm at home tomorrow morning too. I've got to tidy up a little bit, mostly vacuuming lest the builder rep think that I live in a kitty hair infested house.
And I'm not even going to discuss my wasted afternoon at work thanks to ridiculous counsel who just doesn't get it. Either that or she's playing stupid on purpose. I have better things to do with my afternoon than running around trying to get research on a point that is self-obvious to everyone but her. Ugh! Off to bed soon.
I did get a call from my nurse practitioner about my blood work. How cool that she calls me and I don't have to go in to enable a doctor to charge for my visit? Okay, at my new clinic the doctors are on salary so they don't get paid per visit but my old GP in the city was a per visit doc. Annoyed me to no end that she required me to come in far too often for prescription refills. Anyway, test results are normal except for my iron! My result was 21 and they want to see a minimum of 30. So, now I get to hunt for iron supplements tomorrow. She told me to take them on an empty stomach, not with food, but I should take them with a glass of orange juice because the vitamin C helps with iron absorption. I never drink juice but this will allow me to rack up some Air Mi.les since they seem to offer bonus miles fairly frequently on orange juice. Ha! Always looking for the positive in some crazy new medical diagnosis. I didn't think this would be a problem for me. Sure, I've cut back on my red meat consumption and eat a heck of a lot more chicken and turkey but I didn't think my levels would be too low. I was worried about my vitamin D!
My TSH is within normal levels (1.69) and my free T4 is 13.4 which she also said was normal. I am a little concerned about the TSH, though, as there has been a steady upward trend since September. I've gone from 0.66 in September, to 0.93 in December to 1.69 at the beginning of March. Combine that with my fatigue (possibly iron related too), increasing joint pain, and my constant feeling of cold in the past few months I think that I'm going to need to increase my Synt.hroid dosage soon. I told my NP that it is highly unusual for my levels to change like that when she said that levels fluctuate depending on the time of the day blood is drawn. She said to come in for further blood work about 2 weeks before my prescription runs out. I'm going to push for a bump in my meds because I feel far better when my TSH is below 1.0.
I am taking the day off tomorrow. I have my annual appointment with my specialist (PCOS) in the afternoon. I had planned on going to work in the morning but I discovered a plumbing issue this morning and the builder is going to come by to see what the problem is. I'm still within the 1 year warranty period so they have to deal with it. I switched showers on the weekend after finally getting the grout in the ensuite sealed. I used it 3 times with no problem. In fact, it had better water pressure than the shower in the main bath. This morning I turned on the shower and hardly any water came out! I had to switch everything back to the main bath quickly so I could get ready in a normal amount of time. Totally did that! Checked the walls and ceiling on the main floor and basement for water leaks before going to work. None discovered. But since this is a plumbing issue and I have no idea where the problem is I want this dealt with ASAP. Still no water flow when I got home from work. :-( But the builder rep will be over in the am and we'll take it from there. So, I'm at home tomorrow morning too. I've got to tidy up a little bit, mostly vacuuming lest the builder rep think that I live in a kitty hair infested house.
And I'm not even going to discuss my wasted afternoon at work thanks to ridiculous counsel who just doesn't get it. Either that or she's playing stupid on purpose. I have better things to do with my afternoon than running around trying to get research on a point that is self-obvious to everyone but her. Ugh! Off to bed soon.
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