Thanks to my commenters. I'm still feeling very conflicted over stopping breastfeeding. Well, it isn't really the stopping part that I'm conflicted about. Intellectually I know it was the right decision because he wasn't gaining weight.
I feel more like I'm second guessing myself and all the things I did while breastfeeding and pumping. And it still didn't work out. I keep thinking that if I'd pumped more or pumped more often whether things would have been different. At my first appointment with the l/c when Henry was 5 days ago we did a pre-feed and post-feed weigh and he got 4 oz from me. Why then did my supply not increase or keep up? I don't get it.
Intellectually I think, in part, it had to do with PCOS. I don't know anyone else who took as much domperi.done, fenu.greek and bless.ed this.tle as I did that had supply issues. And I think Henry played his part as well in being a lazy feeder, tired all the time, falling asleep during feedings regularly even when desperately hungry, jaundiced, and having latch issues (which resolved) and suck issues. He just never sucked hard enough long enough to get an appropriate amount of nutrition from me.
Ugh! I'm just having a moment today and I really hate it. I think I need to file this under 'hormones' for other reasons.