Hilarious Spam Comment

I really had nothing to post but decided to check out my blog just in case new readers had found it and left comments.  I did receive a comment on my last post but it wasn't exactly what I thought I'd find:

Going back to school is a very ideal option for single moms. A college diploma can help a mom land a bigger job, get a raise, or even be promoted. However, studying is very expensive and usually time-consuming. There is just no way that a single mother can raise her kid, work in her job, and study for college all at the same time.  For help visit this site... [blah, blah, blah].

ROFL!  I find this absolutely hilarious because I have 3, yes, count them, 3 university degrees including an MA and a professional degree.  I really don't think I need to go back to school for a college diploma.

Just Checking In

I've been on the road again getting back at 2 am last night.  Luckily Air Canada held our connecting flight in Toronto, which NEVER happens because it is Air Canada, and I got home at 2 am.  I had been dealing with some major back pain and muscle spasms all week.  No idea where that came from but it made it extremely difficult to sit in a chair in formal meetings to take notes.  Or to pay attention and try to make it seem like I actually knew what I was talking about.  I've become friends with my hot water bottle again.  Unless something strange happens tonight I'll be heading back to work tomorrow.

My sister has now told my niece there is a baby on the way.  I love kids for so many reasons.  Their priorities are different from ours.  My niece was excited to tell my dad the first morning she saw him after the announcement and after that the most mundane things were far more interesting.  Her new books were far more important apparently.  LOL

I've signed all the necessary forms at OFC.  I had to sign one last piece, an updated consent re: donor sperm.  This one threw me for a loop as I read anything I sign with my legal eyes.  The form has a spot for the sperm donor to allow for the partner/spouse to use the sperm to conceive even after death.  I couldn't sign that, quite obviously, because I'm not the guy providing sperm.  My RE's medical secretary has no idea why they make those of us doing donor IUI sign this but it is required.  That one made me scratch my head and laugh at the same time.

My 3 vials were to be shipped this past Monday.  I haven't heard anything from OFC so I'm hoping everything is there and in order.  I should be receiving a call from the nurses soon to explain the procedure once we hit January. 

While away this week I was able to spend some time with the family.  I went out for lunch with my mom and niece.  My niece was enjoying her fries so was oblivious to the conversation.  My mom said that maybe this time next year there would be 3 little ones around.  I said 'not too likely'.  I don't want to get all excited only to get let down with multiple negative pregnancy tests.  I'm focusing on being more realistic hoping that I get good news at some point next year.  Ha!  With my luck March would be my month.  Why?  Because that would mean a Christmas baby and, even worse, the chance of a baby sharing a birth date with me and my mom.  Yep, mom and I have the same birth date.  And her dad's was 3 days before ours.  Being a December baby was hard enough, not being a twin and having to share your birthday is worse.  What is a kid supposed to do?  Not cool!  It may seem a bit selfish but honestly it is really weird not being able to have the day to yourself and always having to celebrate someone else on the same day.  I really don't want that for my child.  In the end, though, if I were to have a birthday baby I'd just be grateful to have a child ... but I'm hoping my child would be born on one of the other 364 days of the year.  Yep, 364 other possibilities.  ;-)

Losing my Balance

Well, today was entertaining to say the least.  I had a hard time keeping my balance thanks to a cold.

I managed to pick up this cold while on the road last week.  I thought it was just allergies all weekend but woke up on Monday morning with a definite cold.  Not the worst one I've ever had, more annoying than anything else.  I took some cold medication last night hoping that I could get some sleep.  That plan didn't pan out.  I kept waking up and think I got just enough sleep to get an accurate temperature reading on waking.  And since I was on my left side most of the night that is where the cold settled.

I got up to our floor at work this morning and bumped into the wall, ran into a filing cabinet and spent the rest of the day trying not to veer off to the left.  It provided me and some of my coworkers with a good laugh, at least.

And wouldn't you know it, I'm CD 10 today.  I can tell my body is gearing up to ovulate.  My left ovary seems to have made an appearance this month.  And the right one is piping up as well.  I had a cold or a mild influenza back in September, also caught on the road, and it delayed my ovulation by 3 days.  While I don't enjoy being sick I'm trying to look at this positively in 2 ways:  (1) this isn't going to interfere with treatment since I don't start until January, and (2) I'm getting to see what being sick in the pre-ovulatory phase does to my body, cycle, and ovulation pattern.

I'm just looking forward to this cold going away so I can get a better night's sleep and walk without fearing that I'm going to list like a ship.

2-for-1 Post

In order to prevent any new reader who stumbles across my blog from thinking I'm a raving, bitter lunatic I thought I should post something new and more positive.  Today we have a 2-for-1 post.

Donor Sperm Ordered

After careful consideration of all the, er ... options, I made my choice on the weekend.  I knew immediately upon reading the donor's profile that he'd be the one but I read through quite a few others to make sure I had a couple backups.  I placed my order by e-mail on the weekend and got confirmation today.  The vials will ship on November 22nd direct to the clinic.  At $700 a pop (yes, you read that right) I only ordered 3.  Yeesh, I need to earn more overtime to pay for the next round.

I'll post on how I went about choosing the donor at another time.  I haven't come across a lot of blog postings about this but those few I did I found informative.  What I can share with you is that the donor has brown hair, hazel/green eyes, is 6'0"  and has a mixed English/Dutch background.  Chances are my child will inherit my brown eyes anyway.  And the background is close to my family's which is German.  My goal was to have the donor blend as much as possible with us.  He has one sister and a good medical history.  I specifically excluded donors with a history of diabetes (because of my PCOS) and a lot of cancers, particularly ovarian, endometrial, and breast cancer since we have absolutely no history of that in our family.  He's also smart and ambitious, which seems to run in the family.  And most importantly he's an Open ID donor.

I Told My Boss

Well, okay not the real bosses, i.e. the Minister or the Prime Minister.  lol  Nope, I told the brand new supervisor for our team.  I was really hoping to not have to tell anyone at work and was even getting pretty crafty with planning my travel.  I have the perfect plan to do my required 1 week of travel a month during the 2 week wait to distract my brain.  But pressure is coming from on high to add to our workload and I can't commit to any more than that 1 week a month.  And seeing as how I've been a go-to traveler for the past 21 months someone was going to wonder what the heck was going on.  Not to mention my frequent absences from the office for appointments and tests at the clinic.

So I took advantage of our supervisor's request for our availability for extra travel starting in January as the opening.  I became very nervous and I think my heart started pounding a little too fast.  Yes, I did remember to take my thyroid meds last night.  Everything is fine.  My supervisor has a friend who had to go through fertility treatments to have her daughter so she's understanding of the fact that this can be a very involved process.  I'm starting out with unmedicated IUIs so I have lots of leeway in terms of changing things up and adding meds.  But I told her that I'm glad to go unmedicated for now so that at least for a few more months I don't have to deal with fertility drug induced hormones.  Pretty important in my job seeing as how I deal with historic child abuse cases.

She's fine with my 1 week a month of travel as that meets my job requirements and she'll always ask me if there is anything else I am able to pick up.  If not, no problem.  I'll keep her updated on my schedule as the weeks I predicted being available January through March are already a little off thanks to what seems to be a 26-day cycle.

I can officially classify today as a good one.

My Sister is Pregnant, Again, and Guess Who Told Me?

I had intended my next post to be a positive one.  No venting.  Nothing.  But intervening events have turned this into a vent.

I'm out of town on business and that business took me home.  Today was Remembrance Day so I had the day off.  I had planned on going to the craft show to visit my favourite painter and pick up a few small pieces.  I invited my sister and niece to come along.  While over at their place my niece starts talking about the upstairs attic being for the baby.  I asked my sister if my niece was telling the truth or if this was pretend.  My niece has a crazy imagination so I always have to verify what she says.  My sister outright lied to my face.  She said that ever since my 4-year old niece found out one of her classmate's mom's was expecting she's been going around saying that my sister is pregnant.  She told her teachers, one of whom is a mutual friend and my sister told them all that it wasn't true.  All I felt at that point was relief.

Fast forward to the show when we meet up with the painter, his wife and their daughters, former neighbours of ours.  The neighbours congratulate my sister.  My parents told them on the weekend.  My sister has to tell them that no one knows and that my niece definitely doesn't know because it is too early and they don't want to have to explain things if this pregnancy doesn't stick.  What?  Um, didn't you just tell me not a half hour ago that your daughter was just making up all this baby stuff?  And I had to find out from our former neighbours?  How classy and mature of you.

It isn't the pregnancy that is the issue, it is the fact that she told others and she lied to me, straight to my face.  And it isn't the first time she has done this.  With her first pregnancy she couldn't be bothered to tell me.  Nope.  My mom did.  I think the only reason my sister eventually phoned me was because Christmas was just 3 weeks away and she felt she 'had to' tell me before I came home for the holidays.

I asked my mom what was going on, by phone as she was out of town.  Her response was "Oh, I thought this might happen."  Um, what exactly?  My sister not wanting anyone to know but telling you and then you telling people who then told me?  My sister not having the guts to tell me?  Basically my mom went on to say that she should have said something and would have if she had been home.  But that isn't your job!  You shouldn't be stepping in and essentially doing my sister's job for her.  I shouldn't expect anything else as my parents have long assisted my sister avoid anything unpleasant in her life.  How horrible it would be for her to act like an adult.  I told my mom that it was incredibly rude and disrepectful of my sister to do this, especially lying, because she knows the fertility issues I face.  Oh, then my mom changed the subject because she didn't want to deal with it.  *sigh*

If my 4 year old niece had known and let it slip I would have let it slide.  My niece really wants to be a big sister and she is totally incapable of keeping any type of secret.  She blew her grandpa's Christmas surprise last year by arriving and wishing him Merry Christmas followed by "I have a telecscope for you". 

At work I jokingly refer to myself as the one who is last to know anything.  So true.  No one at work should come to me looking for updates or gossip becuase I truly don't know.  Apparently the same goes in my family.

I'm very angry at my family but in a twisted way this relieves some pressure that I've felt with my treatments starting in January.  I won't be fearing my sister's inevitable pregnancy announcement after my inevitable failed fertility treatment.  And I won't have to fear telling my sister I'm pregnant and her going all wacko on me and getting pregnant to fill some void inside ... because that's what she did last time. 

And I feel incredibly bad for that mutual friend I mentioned at the beginning.  She has suffered multiple miscarriages, unable to carry to term in the many years she's been married.  My sister didn't tell her the truth either. 

I'm going to be the bigger person, as I always am.  At Christmas I'll tell my sister my plans and let her know that I don't want her finding out from anyone else.  I want to give them time to find an age appropriate explanation for my niece as to how I could have a baby.  And in the event that something goes wrong with my sister's pregnancy I don't want to spring my happy news on her while she is in a bad place.  I don't want to do that to her.  I'll treat her the way I wish I had been treated.

Okay, vent over.