I had intended my next post to be a positive one. No venting. Nothing. But intervening events have turned this into a vent.
I'm out of town on business and that business took me home. Today was Remembrance Day so I had the day off. I had planned on going to the craft show to visit my favourite painter and pick up a few small pieces. I invited my sister and niece to come along. While over at their place my niece starts talking about the upstairs attic being for the baby. I asked my sister if my niece was telling the truth or if this was pretend. My niece has a crazy imagination so I always have to verify what she says. My sister outright lied to my face. She said that ever since my 4-year old niece found out one of her classmate's mom's was expecting she's been going around saying that my sister is pregnant. She told her teachers, one of whom is a mutual friend and my sister told them all that it wasn't true. All I felt at that point was relief.
Fast forward to the show when we meet up with the painter, his wife and their daughters, former neighbours of ours. The neighbours congratulate my sister. My parents told them on the weekend. My sister has to tell them that no one knows and that my niece definitely doesn't know because it is too early and they don't want to have to explain things if this pregnancy doesn't stick. What? Um, didn't you just tell me not a half hour ago that your daughter was just making up all this baby stuff? And I had to find out from our former neighbours? How classy and mature of you.
It isn't the pregnancy that is the issue, it is the fact that she told others and she lied to me, straight to my face. And it isn't the first time she has done this. With her first pregnancy she couldn't be bothered to tell me. Nope. My mom did. I think the only reason my sister eventually phoned me was because Christmas was just 3 weeks away and she felt she 'had to' tell me before I came home for the holidays.
I asked my mom what was going on, by phone as she was out of town. Her response was "Oh, I thought this might happen." Um, what exactly? My sister not wanting anyone to know but telling you and then you telling people who then told me? My sister not having the guts to tell me? Basically my mom went on to say that she should have said something and would have if she had been home. But that isn't your job! You shouldn't be stepping in and essentially doing my sister's job for her. I shouldn't expect anything else as my parents have long assisted my sister avoid anything unpleasant in her life. How horrible it would be for her to act like an adult. I told my mom that it was incredibly rude and disrepectful of my sister to do this, especially lying, because she knows the fertility issues I face. Oh, then my mom changed the subject because she didn't want to deal with it. *sigh*
If my 4 year old niece had known and let it slip I would have let it slide. My niece really wants to be a big sister and she is totally incapable of keeping any type of secret. She blew her grandpa's Christmas surprise last year by arriving and wishing him Merry Christmas followed by "I have a telecscope for you".
At work I jokingly refer to myself as the one who is last to know anything. So true. No one at work should come to me looking for updates or gossip becuase I truly don't know. Apparently the same goes in my family.
I'm very angry at my family but in a twisted way this relieves some pressure that I've felt with my treatments starting in January. I won't be fearing my sister's inevitable pregnancy announcement after my inevitable failed fertility treatment. And I won't have to fear telling my sister I'm pregnant and her going all wacko on me and getting pregnant to fill some void inside ... because that's what she did last time.
And I feel incredibly bad for that mutual friend I mentioned at the beginning. She has suffered multiple miscarriages, unable to carry to term in the many years she's been married. My sister didn't tell her the truth either.
I'm going to be the bigger person, as I always am. At Christmas I'll tell my sister my plans and let her know that I don't want her finding out from anyone else. I want to give them time to find an age appropriate explanation for my niece as to how I could have a baby. And in the event that something goes wrong with my sister's pregnancy I don't want to spring my happy news on her while she is in a bad place. I don't want to do that to her. I'll treat her the way I wish I had been treated.
Okay, vent over.