I know I should be very happy that I started LH bloodwork for this cycle today ... but I was thrown for a loop yesterday and went into a total funk. And I spent a 1/2 hour last night crying. I still posted on my other new blog but I had a really hard time thinking positively today.
Why am I all upset? I found out that I am the very last person in my group of friends and family to be a parent. I'm now officially the crazy cat lady. And I'm very, very sad. A friend of mine told me yesterday, by e-mail, that one of my 3 good friends from law school had her baby ... and I wasn't even told anything about it. I knew NOTHING. And to top that, the other 2 friends from law school had babies in the past 2 months. Plus ... look at this crazy timeline of fertility over the past few months:
- October - brother and wife have baby #3 (an oops)
- November - friend #1 from law school has baby and find out that sister is having #2 (See the sordid tale here.)
- December - friend #2 from law school has baby #2 (her oldest, 22 months)
- January - friend #3 from law school has baby (No one bothered to tell me. Not sure if this or my sister is worse.)
- February - other brother and wife expecting #1
Anyone watch Sex & the City? I feel like Carrie in one of the later episodes. I don't know if you remember the one where she ran into a friend she hadn't seen in a long time. Turns out she'd just had kid #3 and after their run-in Carrie got an invite to a party, might have been a New York baby shower thing. Anyway, when Carrie goes to leave her shoes had disappeared. No one knew where they were. I think a lot of people thought they'd been stolen since they were Blahniks. I suspect one of the
I feel like that except I have the added crap of feeling like I'm constantly waiting: finishing school, professional licensing, finding a stable job with decent pay and benefits. Not to mention the lack of a partner. I got to watch as everyone went on to get married. I went to the weddings, bought the gifts, toasted the couples. And trust me, I didn't give up. I tried a number of different things. It didn't work. Singlehood isn't the path I chose. For some reason it chose me. (Universe? I don't understand what you're trying to tell me.)
Carrie's solution to her problem was to invite her friend to a special event and create a gift registry. The funniest bit? Her friend was the only invitee and the only item on the gift registry was the pair of shoes that went missing.
I don't have a nifty solution like that. All I can tell you is that I'm honestly just plain tired of waiting. And today I'm downright angry.
If I have to hear about another pregnancy (I'm just waiting for yet ANOTHER announcement at work) I think I'll puke. Literally.