Food aversions

Well, I think I experienced my first pregnancy related food aversion today.  Broccoli and cauliflower.

I do my best to eat a full variety of fruits and veggies every day.  I find it easier to get my veggies in at lunch because if I bring it I have to eat it.  I can't simply run to the store to get a different vegetable.  I cooked up a bunch of broccoli and cauliflower yesterday to take along with lunches this week ... along with roast chicken and rice.  I normally like broccoli, even more so than cauliflower.  Except for today. 

I had my normal morning snack and got my 11 am hunger pains so I had a few 'we've been exposed to humidity for too long' pretzels and I was hungry at those points.  When it came to lunch I just didn't feel hungry.  But I need to eat because (1) I'm pregnant, and (2) I manage my PCOS by eating every few hours.  I need to take my medication with my full meals.  I just didn't want to eat my lunch ... at all.  But most importantly it was the broccoli and cauliflower that turned me off.  I was so shocked. 

Now, it may be in part because we've gone from comfortable weather to summer heat and humidity overnight.  And it will be worse tomorrow.  And in the heat and humidity I loose my appetite.  Totally normal for me over summer.  But it is not normal for me to be eating plain steamed vegetables and have to stop and throw the rest out because I'm going to vomit if I don't.  Ugh!

I don't have any other options planned for tomorrow's lunch although I think I might take some fruit with me to eat instead of the veggies.  Fresh sweet fruit doesn't seem to turn me off yet. 

But give me salt, and I'd eat that by the pound right now.  Go figure.

And thanks to Shannon for a yoga DVD recommendation.  If anyone else has any please post them in the comments.  Thanks!

Potatoes

I hate potatoes.  As in I despise them.  They were the bane of my existence when I spent my year in Denmark.  My host family ate boiled potatoes every night.  Yes, boiled potatoes.  Green veggies were treated like the plague.  And anything that came close to being a real vegetable even if it wasn't green, think cauliflower, had to be served with some weird sauce after boiling the full head in a pot of water.  As a kid, I'd eat other veggies and carbs so that is what my mom made for me.  I couldn't understand why she liked slathering the baked potato with butter AND sour cream (barfaroni since I hate creamy things) and actually eat it and enjoy it. 

I'm so embarrassed to say that I appear to be developing a pregnancy craving for potatoes.  O.M.G.!!!  What is wrong with me???  I hate these things.  They are useless carbs that are the kiss of death for a woman with PCOS.  Well, they're the kiss of death for anyone since they contain only 10% of the nutritional value they did just 100 years ago and the body treats them just like white sugar. 

On Monday night my parents BBQ'd.  They made salmon for everyone but me since salmon doesn't get along with my stomach.  I got chicken. And we had baked potatoes.  They made 4 for 5 adults.  I was the only one who ate a whole potato.  If I hadn't told my mom I was pregnant that afternoon I think she would have looked at me funny and wondered what was wrong with me.  Apparently nothing is wrong, I just happen to really like eating baked potatoes right now.  How can I show my face in public again?  *hanging her head in shame*

This is one thing I'm definitely going to fight hard to avoid eating ... much of ... during pregnancy since my body treats potatoes just like sugar. 

On a totally different note, I'd really like to do more physical activity other than mowing the lawn and pulling out dandelions which seems to be turning into a sport since my neighbours 2 townhouses down let their builder installed sod go to weed last year.  Walking is great but the humidity is crazy right now and I'm thinking this will be one nastily humid summer.  Humidity and asthma don't go together very well.  I think pregnancy yoga is a good choice because it won't be too strenuous on my body.  The problem is that I don't know what to look for in a DVD.  I refuse to go to classes since I'm too tired to do anything extra outside the house in the evening.  I want to do this at home.  Does anyone have any recommendations?  I'd like to order something this week so that I can get started in 2-3 weeks.

On the road again

Yep, I'm on the road for work again.  I got to see my family Monday and Tuesday and will see them late Friday before hitting the hay and then briefly in the morning before I fly out on Saturday. 

The secret is no longer a secret with my mom.  So much for my clever 'reveal' plan.  On Tuesday we were discussing my sister's likely 2nd c-section in a few weeks.  With just under a month to go their little guy is measuring 8 pounds and is on track to hit 9.  My sister was unable to deliver my niece vaginally and she was just over 7 pounds.  Her doctor said my sister just isn't built the right way as I had suspected.  I saw a program or tv news item about this and the misconception about wide hips = easy birth.  One has nothing to do with the other as it is the pelvic something or other (I can't remember) which determines it, not the width of one's hips.  Anyway, I told my mom not to freak but that if I had a choice I was going to go with a midwife rather than an OB since it is covered and they have admitting privileges at the local hospitals.  She looked at me and said "you aren't pregnant, are you?"  Serious deer in the headlights moment from me.  But I couldn't lie.  I told her I was.  She was excited and said "that's exciting" 2 or 3 times. 

I then told her it isn't so exciting that I won't be coming home for Christmas this year as I'll be full term and I won't be able to fly.  I said everyone will be welcome to come to my place this year instead.  I told my mom that I doubt my sister and BIL will want to come because the in-laws will want to spend time with the new baby so that if they don't come, that's fine.  My mom seemed open to the idea, which is great because I'd really like to have her around before the birth and certainly for a while after.  I can't imagine being full term and trying to make my way around the city, to work, to the bus in the middle of an ice storm or a major blizzard.  What about basic grocery shopping?  I'll still have to eat at 9 months and I can't let a snow storm stop me from eating. 

I did tell her not to tell anyone else and she promised not to.  But we'll see.  I told her the reason I don't want anyone to know is two-fold:  (1) I'm not yet 8 weeks, and (2) I want my sister to finish her pregnancy first.  I did feel some relief after telling her especially because I wasn't feeling well Tuesday after getting up at 4 am, flying, being dehydrated from flying, not getting to stretch out on the couches at their place most of the day because the house is full with my sister, BIL and niece there for the rest of the week until renos on their house are complete, Monday cramping, and sleeping on the couch (which strangely is more comfortable than the spare bed).  And then Tuesday afternoon I had spotting.  It wasn't much but it started out pink and quickly turned brown.  It went on for a few hours and there was a little bit every time I had to go to the bathroom but nothing on a liner.  That really freaked me out.  I was glad to be able to tell my mom so I could voice my fear and anxiety in person rather than hanging on to it until I could fire up a computer and go online to do it.  This was much better.  But it doesn't prevent me from feeling anxious over the spotting and whether it means anything.  I don't get another ultrasound for quite a while and it worries me that I won't get any confirmation for weeks.

I've been dealing with pregnancy rhinitis and pregnancy headaches too.  Lovely.  I feel like I've got a mild level cold along with annoying allergy issues.  The headache comes and goes and it just depends on the day.  And since it is hormonal there is nothing I can do.  I hate hormonal headaches because NOTHING helps.  I just have to wait them out.  Haha!  Just like the pregnancy acne I seem to be experiencing.  Joy of joys ...

Midwives and wildlife

I called the midwifery practice that covers my area and the good news is that they are just now taking clients with January due dates.  Based on the information I gave I was told that I have a good chance of getting in with them.  This practice has weekly meetings and based on the information given over the phone they set up consultations with potential clients and go from there.  So now I have to wait for 2-3 weeks to hear back.  If I don't hear back then I have to call them.  If I'm not accepted I'll still be kept on the list and could get the call at any time right up until my due date. 

In other news, I had an interesting night.  I had a raccoon try to break in through my bedroom window. I woke up hearing this scratching sound.  I thought my cat was clawing the carpet outside the bedroom door so I turned over and ignored it. Then I thought, maybe it is my not so temporary paper blinds that are blowing in the breeze.  I opened my eyes to see if they were moving and I see this shadow in the window.  I think, what is my cat doing up there in the window?  Then I realize there's no way she'd be in my room because my door was closed.  And then I realized that there is no way for her to jump up on the window sill.  No way because it is too high.

I panicked thinking 'what the hell is that?'.  I go over to the window quickly and look at this creature stretched up all the way to the bottom of my blinds and low and behold I'm looking into the face of a raccoon!  OMG!  I made some noise and it ran away but, sh*t!  Talk about a heart attack at 2:30 in the morning.  At that point I closed my window which I really didn't want to do because it was so hot last night but I didn't want the creature coming back to break in. This morning I noticed that the screen had been pushed in a bit and had those blinds not been partially down I'm sure that screen would have popped right off and I would have had a crazy raccoon in my bedroom.

And now for your viewing pleasure ... the little bean.

My little bean at 6w5d.  The yolk sac is on the upper right.

I had to figure out how to use my scanner and download some options into the machine from my computer before I could use it.  Pretty slick and faster than my old scanner.

We have a heartbeat

Everything went fine today.  We have a heartbeat of 133 beats per minutes.  And the little bean is measuring two days ahead, at 7 weeks exactly.  I'm very, very relieved.

I had a meeting last night so I couldn't just sit at home and obsess.  So that was helpful.  And I did okay at work today too.  But because I had to drive to the clinic I had to drive to work.  I left an extra half hour early due to reduced lanes out of the neighbourhood and the rain.  I was fine until I started packing up my stuff at noon and then I was hit by nervous stomach.  I made quick trip to the bathroom on my way out.

I saw the same tech as for my baseline and she remembered me.  She did the abdominal u/s first and as soon as she went over my uterus she said she saw a gestational sac.  Relief point #1.  She measured everything including ovaries, the corpus luteum, blood flow to the corpus luteum ... I didn't realize this would be so extensive.  She asked me if I knew what side I ovulated from.  I didn't realize until I got home that she must have thought I was being monitored by u/s during my cycle.  Nope.  But I was right, it was from my overachieving right ovary.  I told her that I could feel it during this cycle and that after ovulation I could feel a lot of pressure from what had to be the corpus luteum.  I think it has actually been pressing on my uterus from time to time.  That sucker is over 3 inches long in one measurement so that would explain why.  And it was actually kind of cool to see the corpus luteum on the screen.  It looks like a big black void where my ovary used to be.

After that was done I got to relieve my bladder and then I had my appointment with The Wand.  She did a quick look through and found the sac and told me she saw the baby in there.  Relief point #2.  And she quickly pointed out there was a heartbeat and showed me where it was.  Relief point #3.  She pointed out all the different parts as she measured and said that the head was starting to form.  It still looks like a blob or alien life form to me at this point.  She said it is more like a grain of rice.  Yes, size wise perhaps but I don't think the little bean looks like a grain of rice.  Because of the way the wand was positioned, of course, the bean looked like it was upside down and getting a major head rush.

The ultrasound equipment was great.  It calculated everything automatically when she measured things so I immediately saw 7w0d pop up on screen for the bean when she did the 'crown to rump' measurement.  The sac measured at 7w3d.  She showed me the heartbeat pattern on screen and when she measured it the number 133 came up right away.  And what was nice is that their system was set up to take into account ovulation/IUI day and last menstrual period so if you don't have a 28-day cycle you aren't going to mistakenly be told that your bean is too small. 

I asked tech S for photos before I ran upstairs for my follow up and she was having difficulty getting them from the machine in room 4.  Something about that machine being different than the others.  But she got 4 of them that weren't crazy pixelized and brought them upstairs for me.  And what was great is that she had folded over the paper so that no one sitting in the waiting room had to see that.  How very considerate of her!

My follow up with Dr. C, head of the clinic, started a bit late but was really extensive.  Why, I don't know.  The resident came to get me and I was wondering who this dude was.  Ah, the resident.  Dr. C told me that my chances of having a take home baby based on the u/s is 95%.  Still not 100% but that number sounds really good to me.  He's referring me to an OB at the closest hospital.  He thinks this one is fab so I'm hoping my first interaction will be good.  I'm still going to ask my NP about midwives.  I haven't found a practice that covers my area of the city or the hospital closest to my house so perhaps she can help me.  I'm not quite sure what to do except meet with both and see how I feel.  Luckily in Ontario you can have either a midwife or an OB and it is covered.  And midwives have admitting privileges to certain hospitals.  And the midwives work with OBs to transfer their patients if serious issues arise but they continue to work with their clients in a supportive role. 

I got the spiel about pre-natal testing and I was told there is a less invasive screening test done around 12 weeks but I have to get the OB to order it in time.  Or I can get the NP to do it too.  I have no idea if I'll get in to the OB in time as I don't find referrals work quickly here.  I think they could tell I was feeling a little underwhelmed.  Hey, dudes!  I got pregnant twice in 3 months/cycles and the first one was a m/c.  Don't you think I'd be a little underwhelmed about this?  The resident said it best when I was searching for the right work:  emotionally cautious.  I thought, 'gee, you've seen patients like me before, haven't you?'.  When Dr. C asked how I was feeling I said I was actually feeling really well, no m/s but just tired.  He laughed.  But he told me that I'm unlikely to get m/s now since it hasn't reared its ugly head yet.  I hope so.  And he said it was fine for me to fly up to 35 weeks.  I seriously doubt I'll be flying that late into pregnancy but I am glad there is nothing keeping me from flying out on Monday for a week of work.  The OT is very helpful in getting the savings built up and for paying for necessary things between now and baby's arrival ... plus those 6 extra vials of sperm I now have saved in my name.

Dr. C asked what meds I was using.  When I told him none he seemed surprised.  Yep, no Clo.mid.  I told him the plan was to add that the next month.  He was all confused because I have PCOS and couldn't figure out how I did this without meds.  It was kind of funny to watch the gears in his head do the work on that one.  He also said that the standard practice is to keep PCOS women on metf.ormin for 10 weeks but that all the research shows that it is safe to take through pregnancy.  I already know that from my research.  (I read medical journals articles on PCOS from time to time for my own knowledge.)  This drug is my absolute life saver and I do NOT want to go off it, ever again.  The last time was a disaster.  If I can stay on it I will.  I also refuse to get off it if it means I can't breastfeed.  That would be a medically mismanaged disaster, in my opinion. 

Anyway, I ended up with the rest of the afternoon to myself and I celebrated by buying the last of my flowers to plant (8 plants) and some ice cream bars as a snack.  ;-)

I'm hormonal

I just watched the season finale of Cas.tle.  I couldn't stop the tears.  And the season finale of The Vam.pire Diar.ies?  I watched it three times knowing the ending, knowing the final Damon-Elena scene, every word of it and I still cried the same ... ALL 3 TIMES. 

I know there is nothing technically wrong with me.  I can cry at stupid commercials.  But to have real, huge unstoppable tears streaming down my face?  That's just not me.

Good thing I keep tons of boxes of tissues around the house to deal with my allergies.  I'll never be short a tissue when I cry.

Just checking in

Nothing new to report.  Everything seems to be going along just fine.  I passed the 6 week mark and am really grateful to get this far this time.  Every day that passes I'm so happy that I haven't had any bleeding ... so happy to just get through another day pregnant. 

I'm still very anxious about my ultrasound on Thursday.  I just want everything that is supposed to be there to actually be there.  I know I have no control over this but I really hope I don't get unlucky two pregnancies in a row.  I'd be devastated. 

I'm slowly realizing that I can't do the things I normally do partly out of exhaustion and partly because this pregnant body can't, or shouldn't, be lifting heavy things.  I am 99% sure I'll be getting an IK.EA crib and I also need a few more things from the store, namely some bookshelves so I can move the books out of baby's room.  I can't lift the boxes any longer so I think I'm just going to have to order everything and have it shipped.  Once it is in my house I can take everything apart box by box, piece by piece and move them individually. 

I've sort of had to give up on my yard for the year.  With the water ban in place until August 1st I can't really plant trees or shrubs this year anyway.  But I'm cutting back on the number of flower pots I will plant.  I have set out 2 smaller pots out front so my yard doesn't look like a complete disaster compared to my neighbours'.  I picked up some impatients today but I'm not entirely thrilled with them.  I'd wanted the New Gui.nea ones but I didn't see them anywhere.  I'll keep looking but if I find the NG ones I might pick up a few and use the little impatients as filler.  If not, I'll just use what I have and pick up a couple other things to throw in there. 

I've noticed that I'm getting back pain and pelvic pain when I sit or lay in certain positions.  I had some really seriously sharp cramping yesterday.  It may have been as a result of how I was sitting or moving because it did improve when I moved.  But it did take a while.  I think I need to invest in a good body pillow already.  Any recommendations for me? 

I've hit a wall

Not literally, but I certainly feel like it.  I think pregnancy exhaustion has finally set in.  I just got totally exhausted this afternoon and found it really hard to work.  I was exhausted on the bus.  And I'm exhausted at home tonight.  I think I'll be heading to bed mighty early tonight. Which could be a good thing since my first French class this spring starts at 8:15 tomorrow morning.  Ugh!  Why does everyone assume all public servants start work by 8 am? 

Oh, and I'll have to duck out at 9 to call for my appointment with the nurse practitioner.  My NP is apparently on mat leave already so I'll have to see another one.  I told the receptionist why I wanted to come in and that the only day I couldn't come in over the next 2 weeks was the 19th.  She then said "well, you're not giving me much to work with."  What?  I gave you 7 days!  So because she can't fit me in on the 19th I have to call at 9 am for one of the 48 hour priority appointments, in fact the only one, available this Friday.  Because it is a longer appointment I guess they need to block off more time on the schedule.  But sheesh!  What attitude. 

The hunger and blood sugar thing is still freaking me out.  I'm having a really hard time adjusting to hunger as a sign of anything but out of control PCOS.  I bumped my lunch fruit to my afternoon snack to go along with crackers and almonds.  I thought perhaps that my lunch was a little too big with the fruit added to my homemade roast chicken, rice, green beans and broccoli.  Didn't help.  I felt weak ... really weak ... this afternoon.  Perhaps this is the early pregnancy low blood pressure that I've read about rather than an exclusive blood sugar issue? 

I can already tell that I'm going to have major issues with eating enough during pregnancy.  How the hell am I going to get an extra healthy 300 calories in daily when I already eat 5 times a day?  I just don't want the doctors yelling at me if I can't eat more.  Physically, my stomach can only handle so much.  And I've now reached the stage where no food seems appealing.  It isn't that it turns me off but I just don't want to eat it.  I know I have to but when it doesn't look or smell appealing it is a real struggle.  And I can't stand the smell of other people's food.  One of my co-workers had some kind of pasta this afternoon as a late lunch, eating it at her desk, and the whole area where our team is stank.  A month ago I'm sure it would have smelled lovely.  Today?  It just smelled. :-(

Oops!

My ultrasound isn't this Thursday, it is next Thursday.  How I got that mixed up I don't know.  I wrote down the correct date.  I even remember being on the phone and thinking "oh, the 19th ... I have to rearrange my schedule that day".  Maybe I was just distracted with everything I had going on yesterday.  I don't know. 

Sorry ladies.  You're going to have to wait an extra week to find out what I've got going on in there. ;-)

5 weeks

I made it to 5 weeks today, 2 days further than last time.  So far so good.  But I have to say the progesterone ooze gives me the willies.  Every time I feel it I think I should go check to see if I'm bleeding.  No bleeding, not even a little speck so I'm not complaining. ;-)

I got the call for my 1st ultrasound.  The receptionist called it my 1st OB ultrasound.  I like the sound of that.  My appointment is Thursday afternoon with a follow up right after with the head of the clinic.  I'm really hoping that this little bean is where it supposed to be and what we are supposed to see shows up.  Until the ultrasound I just have to hope this is progressing normally and that there is a growing embryo in there rather than a blighted ovum. 

The green feeling hasn't come back yet but my sense of smell is still heightened.  Food doesn't taste the same.  Even if it doesn't turn me off food isn't as tasty as it used to be.  Except for salty food.  I can always eat that without a problem.  I'm definitely tired but I can't say it is any worse yet than the fatigue I usually suffer from.  It just seems to hit earlier in the day.  My eyes have started feeling tired at noon.  And I feel tired at a normal time in the evening - I'm a night owl.  And I got tired after my shopping excursion today.

The other thing that happened today, a bit disconcerting I have to say, is that I got some serious cramping after lifting some heavy things at HD.  We have a water ban in our neighbourhood as the city works on replacing the water source to our suburb.  The main failed about 50 years early.  So I have ordered a rain barrel and need something to place it on.  Queue the cinder blocks and large paving stone.  Picking up 2 blocks and 1 stone, placing them in the cart and then my car trunk was enough to set off a lot of cramping.  Way more than I've dealt with so far.  I've forbidden myself from this kind of activity from here on out.  Someone else is going to have to do the heavy lifting.  This is one of those times I really miss having a guy around the house or at least having my parents live nearby. 

Everything seems to be fine, though.  I run the bathroom often enough to check, it seems. ;-)  No bleeding and the cramping has subsided.

I'm green

And not with envy.  No, I felt a little green on the bus ride home from work.  Either I have a bug of some sort or this is pregnancy related.  And since it isn't getting worse this isn't a bug.  It is the other thing.  I thought I might have a couple more weeks before I had to deal with this.  It was exacerbated by a bus driver who was desperate to get us through light traffic, a woman with heavy perfume sitting next to me on the bus who wouldn't shut up, and me reading my blac.kberry. 

When I spoke with Nurse M on Tuesday she asked if I was feeling tired yet.  Nope.  She said I would soon.  I started feeling a little tired yesterday afternoon.  I felt it in my eyes.  But I didn't feel particularly tired at night.  I went to bed early but that didn't go so well since my cat decided to misbehave.  She was spinning around in the corner smelling the carpet looking like she was about to take a dump.  Sidenote: she's old and she has a major constipation problem.  She takes medication for it but she goes through a phase every few weeks where her bowels kind of let loose and she is unable to make it to the litter box before dumping huge terds all over, including in my bedroom.  At 11 pm I grabbed her and hoofed it down 2 flights of stairs and popped her into her litter.  No go.  My sister's cat will use the litter on command if you place him in there.  My cat?  I think she's too smart and stubborn for that.  lol  For the first time in the 8 years that I've had her I had to lock her out of my room overnight.  I wouldn't have been able to sleep with her in there because I was paranoid thinking she would pee or poop on my carpet.

Today, I started feeling tired around noon.  And my blood sugar has been off the past couple of days.  I'm supplementing with a few pretzels in the morning between my usual morning snack and lunch.  Then I have an afternoon snack.  I do this to manage my PCOS anyway.  And my boobs hurt like craaaazy.  Makes for a very unpleasant bus ride when your driver has a lead foot. 

I feel like I shouldn't be complaining.  This is so early and symptoms could get so much worse.  Plus I know so many women would just kill to be experiencing minor pregnancy symptoms.  So I feel badly for complaining.  I'm going to try to keep it at a minimum but I can't promise I'll never complain.  And yes, I'm very grateful for this pregnancy ... and I feel a little like I cheated because I somehow got lucky.

My beta results

541.94!!!  And my progesterone is 55.33!!!  I'm most definitely very pregnant. ;-)

I didn't get the call until after 2 and by about 1:20 I was starting to get nervous.  So nervous, in fact, that my stomach was not happy ... and that never happens to me.  I took another test last night just for fun and the test line is darker than the control line so I figured the news today would have to be good.  They called home first but that wasn't the number I left with them!  I left the office number.  *sigh* 

I think I got a new nurse because I've never talked to her before and she wasn't able to find my progesterone Rx information in the file when I asked her if I should discontinue it.  Nurse H, who did my last 2 IUIs, was in the background and I could hear her telling Nurse M all about my progesterone Rx. 

With those numbers I don't have to go in for a 2nd beta.  I will get a call in a couple weeks for an ultrasound.  And I'll need to make an appointment to follow up with my nurse practitioner to monitor my thyroid levels.  I also get to stop the progesterone.  I'm leery to do so but I have 21 suppositories left so I'm going to taper off by switching to one a day at night from this point.  I'm excited to be able to get away from the goop and the liners. 

I'm happy and excited but still being cautious.  Maybe too cautious?  I don't know.  I feel like I'm less excited than I should be at this point.  Should I be 'swinging from the rafters' at this point?  I feel like I should but I can't get quite that excited because of what happened last time.  I think that is probably completely normal so I'm not going to beat myself up over it.  I'll just enjoy this phase as much as I can at this point.

BFP!

I stuck it out and didn't test until this morning.  This is what I got:

No mistaking that second line.  It actually came up within 5 seconds so there is no doubt.  I took this within 3 minutes and the line continued to darken.  It is the same colour as the control line.

I had begun to suspect that I might get a BFP around Friday but still refused to test while I was on the road.  I hadn't had any pre-AF spotting just like in February so I thought this might be a sign of a BFP.  Then, I've been having crazy pain in my lower right pelvic area for about 4 days.  I didn't know if that was from impending AF or if it was just a large corpus luteum. 

I'm being cautiously optimistic at this point.  My beta isn't until Tuesday so I have to wait for the exact numbers.  But until then I'll be happy and cross my fingers that this one will stick!