Monday, April 11, 2011

CD10 ... Photo Bonus

Back to another CD10.  Not much going on.  I started monitoring blood work for this cycle this morning:
  • E2 = 377
  • LH = 9
Definitely no surge yet.  I need that LH >30 for surge.  I'm trying my best to keep my stress levels down this week.  I'm certain that stress during O-week last month delayed my O by a day.  Not a good thing.

I kind of disappeared from my online places over the last week.  I was so tired, angry, and sad that I just couldn't stand looking at pregnancy tic.kers, happy BFP announcements, or condescending "oh, I'm sorry but I know it will happen for you" pronouncements.  I just needed time to grieve another BFN and to come to the realization that adding Clo.mid is probably a good thing and not a sign of defeat.  For years I refused to add met.formin to my fight against PCOS.  Eventually I realized I had done all I could by myself and that the medication could only help me get to that next step.  And now I'm coming to the same conclusion about Clo.mid.  I had so hoped that I could get a sticky BFP without it.  I don't know ... part of me thought that if I could get that BFP Clo.mid free it would feel like I was giving PCOS the big middle finger.  But I can't focus on feeling defeated without a sticky BFP without Clo.mid.  I'm just trying to give myself a better chance at a BFP, possibly more than one good follicle for a better chance at a sticky BFP, and to push up the time table a little bit.  I turn 38 in December and I cannot keep going month after month without stepping up the protocol to get more aggressive.  Adding Clo.mid does NOT mean I am a failure or that my body is a failure. It is just another weapon in my arsenal on the way to getting my sticky BFP.

Not much else to tell here.  We had our first thunderstorm of the season, a major one.  The power went out some time over night and came on again around 4 or 4:15 according to my clock.  The thunder and lightning was very intense and woke me up.  I thought it was about 3 but thought I'd better check what time it was since the clock had been out.  5:30!  Time to take my temp and get up.  Nothing like nature being your alarm clock.  The rain was pretty intense but no damage on our street.  It was way warmer than normal today at 23 degrees C and very humid, a taste of what is to come in summer.  Yuck!

I've noticed this blog is a little short on photos so I thought I'd share a few. 

Kitty hanging out on top of my dresser in the old condo.
This is my kitty, P.  She is officially 'P' but most of the time she gets called kitty.  I've had her for 8 years.  She was estimated to be 8 years old when I got her at the shelter making her about 16 today.  She's mostly well behaved but she has a certain fascination with carpet.  That's why our main floor is wood and tile. 

Me and The Fifi
This is me with my niece, F.  She was exactly 17 months old in this photo.  She'll turn 5 in July.  Her name is unnicknameable but she still ended up with the nickname Fifi.  She couldn't be any more my clone if she were actually mine.  Strange, really.  She has awesome auburn hair with a patch of orange on the side and a patch of blonde in the back.  She also had dark brown eyes, way darker than mine.  And she has the craziest, biggest imagination for a 4-year old I've ever seen.  I love that she's always super excited to see me.  It is 'auntie this' and 'auntie that' the first day she sees me after I've been away a while.  Love that!

Baby gifts ... obviously not for me. :-(

I did some shopping over the last little while.  With 6 new babies around me (5 in 5 months plus one this upcoming June) I've had to spend a lot of time in the baby aisles.  It used to be fun but it isn't really fun any more.  And that makes me sad.  The red one is for The Fifi's little brother, due in June.  The other 2 are for my niece R in Denmark.  I took a look at the tag on the pink one and realized it may be too small already.  R was 22 inches long at birth.  The pink one, my favourite, is supposed to be size 6 months.  But I looked at the tag and it is for kids up to 27 inches long.  And since it has feet it can't work for longer kids.  By the time it gets to R I think it will be too small.  I'll send the snail one instead since she'll still have time to grow into a 12 month sleeper.  And she'll look awesome in blue.  ;-)  I'm going to keep the pink one for now as I'm sure one of my friends or someone at work will have another baby soon.  Then, at least I have something at home and I don't have to brave the baby aisles at the stores again.


  1. Love the photos!! And going to Clo.mid is not defeat! When I started I thought I'd wouldn't do anything... I ended up at IVF. Once as you see the BFP, then feel the kicks (I haven't gotten to meeting her in person yet) how you got three doesn't matter. As one older firend said... This all prepares you for having a kid. they NEVER go as planned. In fact I just read a post by Tiara about that exact topic!
    So bring out all the big guns and go after that BFP!! We are cheering for you!

  2. You have an amazing attitude! Love your photos and stories too! GL with the Clo.mid! xo

    Oh... and I think I had a dream about a thunderstorm the other night. Weird.

  3. Good luck and it isn't defeat but just playing the right hand. Considering I am 33, regular cycles, no PCOS I thought the cervical issues and endo were my only roadblocks so natural cycles seemed a fit. Didn't work so this round he asked how comfortable I was with meds and I said I want results! 100mg of Clomid only thinned my lining and forced the use of estrogen and I have had 6 days of injections without major progress so ya, big L on my forehead. LoL. Going in now for hopefully the last u/s until iui. Good luck!

  4. I'm going to share with you something my aunt told me when I was deciding to use clo.mid...tho I think it a bit trite, it was a different perspective that made me think about it differently. She said, "If you have a headache, you take a tylenol, a stomach ache? gravol, heartburn? you need help with conceiving? take clo.mid" Just a different way to look at it.