FML!!!

You know that former co-worker I told you about a few posts ago, the one I ran into at the clinic on bloodwork day 2 weeks ago?  She had her IUI done a couple days before mine.  We were both on IUI #3.  Well, guess what?  She got her BFP.  And yet again, I did not.

And every time someone who has recently gotten pregnant through IUI or some other ART tells me, 'oh I'm so sorry, I know how you feel/I know how you must feel' I just want to slap them right through my computer.  NO, you do NOT know how I feel.  You have not been dealing with the psychological damage of infertility diagnosis since you were 15 so please, keep your happiness and pity for me to yourself.  You do NOT understand and you NEVER will.

Why is my body so f'ing defective???

FML!!!

ETA: I can't get in to see my Dr. for a 'can we add Clo.mid' appointment until April 25th!  WTF?  The nurse asked me if I wanted to continue doing unmedicated IUI and I said no, I want to meet with my Dr. to change my protocol and I've tried for 2 days to get someone to call me back to set up an appointment and I never heard back.  They only have 1 day a week set aside for follow up appointments.  So, April 25th it is.  

I'm so not going to be able to get emotionally invested in the next cycle.  I can't because I already know it isn't going to work.  What's the point of getting excited or emotionally involved knowing it is going to be a big fat failure going in?  But I can't NOT do it otherwise I'd be sitting there a year from now wondering whether April 2011 would have been the cycle.  Probably not but I'd wonder anyway.

So now I have to pay the new donor IUI fee at my clinic (how nice it came into effect April 1st?).  That means I'll be throwing $800 dollars plus my time down the toilet.  Again.