Friday, April 1, 2011

Another Cycle Down the Toilet


I had some cramping for a couple of hours before lunch.  I was hoping it was intestinal as it was really wide-spread and quite painful.  No such luck.  I went to the bathroom to discover some spotting, dark pink.  One of the benefits of progesterone supplements is that you have to wear liners so at least my underwear didn't get ruined.  I ran to the bank after popping some cramps meds and when I came back headed back to the bathroom before a meeting just to see how bad it was.  It had turned bright red.  I really didn't want to deal with this so I put a tampon in and changed the liner.  Why be reminded of it every time I go to the bathroom?

I now have to cancel a really easy 1-night business trip in the middle of April all so I can do another IUI.  *sigh*  Now I'm waiting for it to turn into full flow so I can call the nurses tomorrow and tell them I'm on yet another CD1.

I haven't heard back from my Dr.'s secretary so I called and left her a message to let her know what happened.  I doubt I'm going to get in to see her before I run out of time to start taking Cl.omid so I think we're just going to have to go ahead with another unmedicated IUI in April and look at Clomid for May.  I've got 2 more vials from my original donor left. My back up choice's new vials still haven't been released for sale presuming there aren't 100 people ahead of me in line waiting for them.  I still don't like any of the other donors available and I really don't want to pay more money for another 3 months of access to their profiles. 

I am beginning to feel like these cycles are a waste of time, not to mention money.  I don't know how it is statistically possible for every single one of the eggs I ovulated to have been crappy.  Is it my donor?  It can't be progesterone anymore since that has stopped the pre-AF spotting issue.  How did my sister end up with the family's fertility and I don't have any?  Why didn't I fall into the 'increased post-miscarriage fertility' group?  My mom did and I'm proof of pregnancy the cycle after a miscarriage.  I just don't get it.

So, my sister gets to continue buying cute little things for her soon to arrive son watching her belly grow by the day, preparing and getting excited about that and moving into their brand spankin' newly renovated home the month he is to be born.  Me?  I get to be excited because I can sleep in this weekend.  That's just pathetic.


  1. So sorry this cycle was a BFN. I can relate to your fustration. I have a very fertile sister also- 6 pregnancies, 4 conceived while she was on the pill, and 2 in her late 30s after her husband had a vasectomy. She's never had to try. And I'm paying thousands for the opportunity to be a mom. Once my sister was so "frustrated" by her uberfertility she joked that if she got pregnant again she was giving it to me. It doesn't quite seem fair. But I know that our journey to motherhood will make it all seem even more worthwhile when it get's here. Here's hoping that it's soon for us both.

  2. I would skip unmedicated cycle and do a medicated one in May. We were also using a donor and just didn't feel like spending more money on vials. With unmedicated cycle we were doing b2b IUI's so it was like $1300 for sperm each cycle! After 2 unsucessful cycles we switched to Clomid and trigger shot with 1 IUI and it gave us a BFP the first cycle. GL to you!!!

  3. Sorry to hear about the BFP. I can completely relate to what you feel. I wonder if it will ever happen and is this just a complete waste of time and money. I agree with Julia, sometimes the extra cost of using injectables or clomid is worth it. Good Luck!

  4. Thanks ladies. If I could ever hear back from my Dr.'s secretary it would help. I might even be able to add Clomid this month as today is CD1 and Monday would be CD3.

    The cost of meds is not an issue. While we have no prescription coverage from our government I do have excellent coverage at work - 80% and once I hit $3000 it is 100%.

    Our clinic doesn't do back to back IUIs. Just one each cycle.

    I'm just very frustrated because I'm tired of having my obvious infertility pointed out to me. It has been like this since I was 15 so this isn't something I just discovered. 22 years of infertility brain is really, really hard to deal with. When I was younger it wasn't as bad because I thought I had time, eventually I'd meet the right guy and we'd figure it out and have kids. So not what happened.

    I just worry (really worry) that by the end of the year I'll be signing up for my clinic's 3 for the price of 2 IVF program. I really don't want to go down that road ...

  5. Sorry Andrea! :( I hope that you can get ahold of them to get meds. In my eyes, that constitutes as "emergency" on the answering machine because time is of the essence. Of course, I had an awful IUI experience - communication included but hoping this time is better luck. I hear you on the costs but I keep telling myself even a few IUIs and then on to IVF (insurance does not cover at all) and it is still cheaper than the money I put in to adoption. Last cycle was unmedicated and now he's full steam with 100mg of Clomid plus Menopur because I have my mind that 1, maybe 2, more and that's it. Hoping good news for you soon!