Thursday, March 3, 2011

I Think This Cycle Is Done

I took another FRER to see if there would be any change from yesterday.  There was but it is worse.  At least yesterday there was the faintest of lines.  Today?  Absolutely nothing.  I know I'm not delusional; I saw those 3 positive tests Monday and Tuesday.  That means this was a chemical, plain and simple.  I wish that I'd been able to go for a beta on Tuesday but my travel commitments took me out of town this week.  I'm just worried that nothing will show up tomorrow and make me doubt myself and what I saw.

I'd like to have a little confirmation that I was pregnant, even for just a few days.  I know it won't make me feel any better.  Intellectually I know very well that many pregnancies end in miscarriage.  I get that.  I also know that this is not predictive of my future chances.  I get that too.  But right now I'm not thinking intellectually.  I'm still on progesterone and am very emotional, utterly disappointed and sad.  It is completely irrational to worry that this could be my only BFP ever given my age and what are likely to be crappy PCOS eggs but that is where I am at the moment and I can't change what I'm feeling at the moment. 

I just wish the ovarian cramping would go away because it is really annoying and tricking my brain into thinking there is something still going on.

1 comment:

  1. It sucks. I had a chemical pregnancy and my nurse said something to the effect of at least you know you can get pregnant. Its a crappy and expensive way to find out but it helps keep you positive for future cycles.