Change in plans. I will not be testing until Saturday ... if I even get that far.
I woke up this morning to another temp drop. My temps are quickly trending downward toward my cover line. And I woke up with a raging headache, the kind of headache that signals to me that AF is right around the corner. It is almost always, i.e. 99% accurate. And nothing helps it and it's made worse by the fact that I can smell EVERYTHING. I just have to suffer through it and hope it goes away after 24 hours, and if not 48. I know my body. This cycle is over.
And of course, today would be the day that stomach cramps show up for the first time in years. Happened some time in the late afternoon and they were seriously painful until about 15 minutes ago. It has to be something that I ate but I don't know what caused it.
All I can say is that I'm really disappointed this month. After a m/c this cycle looked so good, complete with what seemed to be an implantation dip. Based on 3 cycles of information and physical symptoms I'm absolutely convinced that sperm is meeting egg and I'm even getting implantation but nothing is sticking. I don't know whether I'm the problem, the donor is or we both are. I've only got 2 more vials of this donor left. I did another cruise through the donor listings tonight and I still don't see anything I'm interested in. In fact, the number of Xy.tex listings for Canada just keeps dropping.
I just want to be pregnant. And I want to be pregnant before June so I, at the very least, have something positive to focus on when my nephew is born. I do not need yet another reminder from my younger sister about her abundant fertility and my lack of it. And I'm tired of being used by my sister so she can feel better about herself, to soothe her inferiority complex. Hey, look at me. I can have kids, I can have biological kids, I can produce grandchildren. Who cares what you've done with your life? As long as I have kids and you don't I feel okay. Ugh! When did my sister lose her mind?
If only I could just hide out in the house for the next week.