Based on when my physical symptoms disappeared I've calculated it as this past Wednesday, about 4w3d. My temp had dropped that morning and I started freezing through the day (and still am), my uterine cramps had disappeared, and my breasts felt different. That's also when I started getting extremely faint or negative HPTs.
I went to work yesterday because I knew if I stayed home all I'd do is stew and I'd feel worse. I didn't get a whole heck of a lot done but I feel better for having gone to work and given my brain something else to do for a day. Even when I broke down and told my supervisor what happened (she knows I'm doing IUI) and she told me to go home I knew it would be better to stay.
I got the call from the clinic not long before lunch. Of course it was a BFN. I didn't bother to ask for any numbers since I knew that AF had already started and it would be pointless. I told the nurse what happened because I wanted them to know and because I needed to find out if I could keep going with the next cycle. I told her that I'd had 3 positive tests at the beginning of the week and things just went wrong from there. She said "Aw, you were so close." Yes, I was. She saw absolutely no reason not to continue with another IUI in March. Later yesterday when I was absolutely sure that I had full flow I called in to report CD1. I haven't heard back from them yet today but I expect a call in the afternoon as that's always when I get the calls.
When I got home from the airport Thursday night I called my mom and told her. Her response: "That's too bad. But at least you know you can get pregnant." Okay, I get it but I had expected something more from a woman who had 2 miscarriages including one in the 6th month. She said it because she wants me to be positive. Okay, I get that too but can you allow me a little time to feel crummy first before shoving the positive in my face? She also asked if they knew what went wrong. Um no, why would they that early? Sometimes I think menopause has made my mom's brain obtuse.
Intellectually I know the following:
- At 37 and with PCOS, not all of my eggs are completely and totally crappy
- My donor's sperm can at least get up to my tubes and fertilize my egg
- I can get to implantation stage (which I do think happened in January if my symptoms were any indication)
- One loss doesn't mean that I'm any more prone to another. Now, with PCOS that's slightly different because our risk of miscarriage is higher than women without it. With metformin our risk of miscarriage is only slightly higher than normal.
I'd just like to fast forward through the next few months.